Saturday, July 29, 2006

Just Spreadin' the Hate Around

Jaysus. Obsidian Kitten tagged me. Which six people do I want to despise me so much that I could send this thingy to?


Six Retarded, Pointless Things About Me
1. I'm ambidextrous, except for brushing my teeth. Can't do that left-handed at all. If I break my right hand then I suppose my teeth will just have to fend for themselves.
2. I can undo buttons with my feet. This is kind of a mood-killer, unless you're with a guy who's got a foot fetish.
3. I learned to knit from a library book. This sort of explains why I tend to call knitting "purling" and vice-versa. I learned to spin yarn from a book too. I think my friends are all imaginary.
4. I'll pretty much eat anything except for Necco Wafers. I think Necco Wafers are the prime example of man's inhumanity to man and can't understand just why they haven't been discontinued. I mean, who the hell voluntarily eats things flavored like Pepto-Bismol, Lemon Pledge, and Nyquil anyway? There's probably a Necco warehouse filled with these things that they've been trying to sell since 1947. That stuff on the ouside, you think it's cornstarch? Nahhh, it's dust.
5. I hate flip-flops with a passion usually reserved for things like the IRS and Republicans. Damn, I hate me some flip-flops. I especially hate guys in flip-flops. I have to restrain myself from running across the street and yanking the flip-flops off a guy's feet and beating the living snot out of him with a flip-flop in each hand. Did I say I hated flip-flops? Yeah, I hate flip-flops.
6. I hate poetry too. I once worked with a woman who wrote bad Christian love poetry and forced us all to read it. I still wake up screaming. A couple years ago I had a literature teacher that found out I hated poetry and she made me read some out loud, as though this would make me see reason. Of course it was written by a classmate and it was about her dead husband. She even brought in a lock of his mullet as an illustration. I should have beaten her with flip-flops.

Brace yourself, six random people.


Lani said...

I actually learned to knit from a book too. I had to giggle over your "feet" ability.

I am left-handed...but use the computer, knit and crochet all right-handed. Everything else...I had to do left-handed. Funny.

Obsidian Kitten said...

i am SOOOO right handed that when i broke my right hand i was the most afflicted person on the planet. couldn't get a fork into my mouth (OW!), couldn't brush my teeth, and as for wiping one's butt with the wrogn hand...well, try it sometime. i dare you (unless you're ambidextrous)

i can't learn to do anything from books. i seem to have become vaguely dyslexic in my old(ish) age and need to be SHOWN things. by extremely patient people.

i confess i used to like necco wafers. (does anyone still know what those are?) i was fascinated by the weirdness of the colors, unidentifiable flavors, and unvarying staleness of them. i was very young and naive.

my mom lived in flipflops (the rly cheap kind) in the 70s and i associate the creepy slappy sound with her prowling around the house. i refused to wear them for many many years.

men should never ever wear them. especially if they have furry toes, which is pretty much all the time. frankly, men should avoid sandals as well. i do not need to see a man's toes, and preferably not his socks, either.

i don't even like open-toed shoes on myself. i think i lived in NYC for too long, where scary liquids run through the gutters and over the sidewalks and pool in corners of the subway stairs. i think only stupid people, or the ones without a reasonably developed sense of self-preservation, wear open footwear in NYC.

oh look, i done caught your rant. i should be beaten with shoes, too.

Diana said...

I hate nosey neighbors.
I hate the smell of fish.
I hate that creepy, dirty insect called a fly... that lands on dogshit and then your food while at a picnic.
Maybe I hate picnics.
I hate people who chew with their mouth open.
I hate morning sex.

Gosh, that felt great...

msfortuknit said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
msfortuknit said...

K ive been tagged and I cant think of even posting a thang! haha YOU JUST KILLED ME! INHALER TIME!
How ya been by the way? Lifes a trip here, too hot to do much,it was a mere 104 today with 107 heat index. Or is that tomorrow no tomorrow is hotter! I now understand TOO HOT TO KNIT!

K FIANLLY something different from O'kittyIm lefthanded to the same point that shes right handed...oh wait, thats the same isnt it? Im with Lani the foot thingy is TALENT!

the kitchener bitch said...

Note to self: hide flip flops from Severina...

Severina said...

Maybe we should change it to "Six Random Things I Hate"?

I think the flipflops-hate comes from me disliking anything to do with the beach. Or the sun. Or maybe just outdoors in general?

Stephieface said...

Bah.... sunlight is overrated. Pasty and pale since 1996, and just glowing whiter

Severina said...

Hmmm, I don't think I've been out in the sun on purpise sine I was 16, and that was a really looong time ago.

I did notice that all the much younger relatives who used to make fun of me for being pasty look way way older than I do.

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