Saturday, April 01, 2006

Moving Vintage Stuff Sucks

Yes, vintage stuff is much better made and way cooler than your modern junk, but goddammit this crap sucks ass to move. Especially up to a third story apartment in a three-story walkup.

Record albums: Twelve crates with 60-70 albums apiece, plus two more crates of just 78s that weigh twice as much. While 70 CDs weigh next to nothing, 70 vinyl albums weigh in at around 175 pounds. Or 45 pounds. Whatever. I hauled one crate across the floor on top of my left foot and peeled up one of my toenails. Nice.

Books: All books suck to move, no matter how old they are. Try moving 45 boxes of mostly hardback books up to the third floor, even with friends to help it still sucks big-time.

Rugs: You know how much a 6' x 9' floral 1940s looped-pile wool rug weighs? A lot more than that. Don't try to convince yourself that rolling it up and flopping it over your shoulder in a fireman's carry will work either. Of course when I dragged it upstairs and unrolled it, it seemed a tad more scruffy than I remembered it to be. I ain't hauling it back out now, even if it does look like ass. If I'm lucky the moths will eat it out from under me.

Random old appliances: 1940s Mixmaster, 1940s Eureka upright vacuum cleaner, 1950s chrome waffle iron, Bakelite rotary telephones (1940s & 50s), typewriters (L C Smith 1920s, Remington portable 1920s, Royal1950s), 1960s Kenmore sewing machine. Each one of these jobbies is a veritable hernia waiting to happen.

Bike: 1950s Skyrider. Still chained up out front and hasn't made it up the stairs yet. It would probably be easier to carry a VW bug up the stairs than this bike. There's nowhere to put it until I get the rest of these boxes unpacked anyhow.

Kitchen table: Ever flipped a 1950s chrome and enamel table on its side and hauled it up four flights of stairs by yourself? Turn one of those bad boys over and wouldn't you know the leaves slide out making it two feet wider than it was to start out with.


Kate, the Odd Ball Knitter said...

Okay, I want to inherit the SkyRider. What do you mean, I wasn't mentioned in your will?

Severina said...

Sure Kate! (hurridly handwrites a half-assed will on a napkin) The SkyRider was originally owned by some random relative of mine who rode it to school in the 50s, or so I'm told. I've also got a big chrome 50's headlight for the front I haven't connected yet.

With the book racks on the front & back plus some bungee cords I've hauled bags of potting soil, lumber, & small shrubs for years. I've got a two-wheeled pickup truck!

It's also great fun careening down the sidewalk late at night after a drink or three.

Kate, the Odd Ball Knitter said...

Hey, babe, you're talking to one exceedingly dedicated drunken biker. Ask Liz for details.

Scott said...

Ah, you're just bragging about all your vintage junk. You should've just sold or gave away everything and got heavily into minimalism.

Severina said...

Or I could just pile it all up to the ceiling like you do.

Scott said...

I learned that from you.

Liz said...

Kate, whiskey(good single malt) and a bike. Interesting combination, add a very brightly coloured parked car into the mix and you have high entertainment for the afternoon. Luckily no seafood was harmed in the making of this comic moment.

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