Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Gifts For People You Hate More Than Life Itself

It's two days before Christmas and you remember you need to make a gift for that spazmo at the bottom of your list. You know, the one you always forget but they bake you cookies & try to make you feel all guilty. You haven't got a soul anyhow so they should stop trying.

So what do you do? Ya whip out the ol' Red Heart Super Saver acrylic you've had under the bed since 1982 and crochet up some crazy hippie boots! It doesn't matter if the colors don't go together, they're freakin' hippie boots for chrissakes.

Extra points if the recipient isn't a hippie.

If they don't tend to wear boots then make them some flashy spats. Makes ordinary dress pumps into Unspeakable Technicolor Horrors.


If you use all the colors then they'll go with anything! Make sure you tell them that several times, just so they get it. Keep reminding them throughout the day because you know just how forgetful they are.

Double points if it's a "Secret Santa" gift for an annoying co-worker. They"ll have to wear them to the office at least once before they can claim they lost/ate/burned them.

Quadruple points if you're giving them to a guy.

It's a great way to use up that yarn your grandma gave you because even she wouldn't use it to make blankets for her twelve elderly incontinent cats. It'll also make your holiday gift list one person shorter since they'll never speak to your ass ever again.

Mission accomplished.

Ladies Home Journal Needle & Craft, Fall/Winter 1979

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Here is a list of Dog and Cat Sites you might find interesting! Hope to see you there!

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Severina said...

Yeah, I'm checking out that Cat Urine site.

Stephieface said...

OMG!

Hahahaha, Both the site and the lame commentors are funny.
See that? I'm wiping a tear from my eye I laughed so hard.

Severina said...

But how did they know I was in need of Cat Urine??? I'm sooo out of Cat Urine it ain't even funny.

diosa said...

finally...someone else understands that it's fun to be a smart-ass to spammers.
I just don't even wanna talk about the hippie thingies.

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