Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Gifts For People You Don't Like Very Much

I don't know about you, but I think we all are in need of some last-minute, half-assed handcrafted gift ideas. The kind that makes the recipient wish you'd just stopped at the Rite-Aid on the way to their place and bought a damn Chia Pet.

Our first offering would only be slightly less frightening if it had clothes. Nekkid people shouldn't smile like that.

Behold! The Spooky Nude Mono-Bosomed Doll, with pearls and a Prince Valient hairdo.

Mittens, Socks and Accessories, 1967, despite the fact that this thing is neither a sock, nor a mitten, but could quite possibly an accessory to some sort of crime.

These don't even have the decency to claim to be something slightly useful like a toilet-paper doll. No sirree Bob. Not with eyes crossed like that.

Drunken Southern Sorority Girl Dolls.

There's also no underwear in the pattern, so that kinda fits in with the whole drunken sorority girl thing. Girls Gone Wild, anyone?

Puritan Crochet, no year.

For that lucky hostess on your list how about these Monogrammed Drinking Glass Sweaters? I know how much my drinking glasses hate to catch a chill.

Hey, they're both sporty AND feminine at the same time! Who'da figured?

I guess those drunken sorority gals gotta drink outta something.

Plus they take all of about five minutes apiece to make. Go Team!

Star Flower Edgings, 1949.

How about some racist toys? Racist toys nekkid as the day they were born? Have a go at making these Vaguely Disturbing Nude Ethnic Toys. With this pop-eyed Eskimo and rather excitible Zulu you can play the ever popular Eskimos & Zulus! Includes a Red Cross nurse, in case there's some sort of colonial uprising.

Or make a really weird-ass all-crochet porn film.

No title, pattern ca. 1918.

The same fine folks who brought you the Vaguely Disturbing Nude Ethnic Toys have also designed the Deformed Mule, helpfully labelled as "Mule" in case you couldn't tell on your own. Useful for the "Mule & the Red Cross Nurse" part of the all-crochet porn film.

Sometime like 1918 or something... Yeah, you know, whenever it was that they had mules & Eskimos & Zulus running loose in the streets. Ask your Grandpa. He could tell you about crap like that.

And for the guy who wouldn't know he had everything, even if he did, here's Monogrammed Special-Ed Headgear. With Really Special Mittens, to keep him from chewing his fingers off and touching himself and stuff.

Cause you know we really don't need to see any of that.

Vogue Knitting Book, 11th Edition, 1948.


Stephieface said...

OMG!! lolololololol

As always, thank you for the laugh.

maiyuan said...

Polk County State Attorney Tiffanys Jerry Hill told the judge that DNA testing Links London jewellery had excluded Bain from the crime Cheap Ed Hardy Clothing He s just not connected with this particular incident Hill said Ed Hardy Clothing Sale Mr Bain I m now signing the order sir Discount Ed Hardy Clothing the judge said referring to an order vacating the judgment and sentence Tiffany and co You are a free man Congratulations Tiffany Jewellery he said and the courtroom erupted into applause Tiffany Jewelry In 1974 the 9 year old Lake Wales Tiffany and co Jewelry Florida Tiffany and co Jewellery victim had told police that his attacker had bushy sideburns and a mustache Tiffany UK After being shown five photos of potential suspects Tiffany sale the victim picked out one of Bain Links of London jewellery the police report said Cheap Links of London jewellery The victim now 44 Links of London UK lives in Florida and was made aware of Bain s situation Discount Links of London according to multiple sources Ed Hardy Speaking to reporters Thursday Cheap Ed Hardy Bain said he was going home with family Tiffany and co UK I m going to see my mom he said.

shoppingugg said...

To buy Lida daidaihua online.discount lida daidaihua slimming on sale~! cheap lida daidaihua slimming capsules for sale~!buy discount lida daidaihua slimming capsule news online.buy 5 box daidaihua weight loss capsules online.5 box lida weight loss on sale~!buy 3 box lose weight lida online.lida daidaihua weight loss capsules cheap sale.discount buy lida capsules online sale.10 boxes lida products for sale.buy lida capsules for cheap.20 boxes daidaihua slimming on sale~! buy Daidaihua online.cheap daidaihua capsules for sale~! buy 5 boxes lida daidaihua diet capsules online.daidaihua slimming capsules online sale.buy daidaihua slimming capsules for sale.buy Lida Pills online.buy Lida daidaihua for cheap

shoppingugg said...

we offer Gucci handbags online sale, Gucci bags for cheap, Gucci wallets on sale, cheap Gucci handbags for sale, cheap Gucci bags online sale, discount Gucci handbags online store, Gucci replica handbags for sale, cheap Gucci handbags sale on sale, discount Gucci bags sale, buy Gucci bags sale,cheap Gucci replica bags on sale. Gucci handbag online sale, Gucci bag for cheap, Gucci wallet on sale, cheap Gucci handbag for sale, cheap Gucci bag online sale, discount Gucci handbag online store, Gucci replica handbag for sale, cheap Gucci handbag sale on sale, discount Gucci bag sale, buy Gucci bag sale,cheap Gucci replica bag on sale.

man said...

Buy designer Hermes handbags online. Hermes bags buy Hermes Wallets for cheap Hermes Purses online cheap hermes handbags on sale.buy discount hermes handbags for sale.hermes replica handbags onlie sale.Hermes handbags sale for cheap.discount hermes bags on sale.cheap hermes bags for sale. Hermes bags sale for cheap.hermes replica bags on sale. designer hermes handbag online.to buy Hermes bag online. Hermes Wallet on sale Hermes Purses online cheap hermes handbag on sale.buy discount hermes handbag for sale.hermes replica handbag onlie sale.Hermes handbag sale for cheap.discount hermes bag on sale.cheap hermes bag for sale.Buy onlie.Hermes bag sale for cheap.hermes replica bag on sale.

Anonymous said...

To buy discount Louis Vuitton bags on line,cheap Louis Vuitton replica bags on sale~! buy this Discount Louis Vuitton bags online,discount louis vuitton bags sale for sale Louis Vuitton handbags online sale Louis Vuitton replica handbags cheap sale Discount Louis Vuitton handbags discount fake Louis Vuitton handbags sale online,buy replica louis vuitton Purses for cheap,discount louis vuitton Wallets on sale.buy replica Louis Vuitton Travel on line. Louis Vuitton Men Bags for sale~! discount louis vuitton shoulder bags for sale. buy cheap louis vuitton Totes online. discount louis vuitton clutches on sale~! cheap designer louis vuitton evening bags for sale. buy louis vuitton card Holder online.discount louis vuitton card for sale~! cheap louis vuitton Holder for sale! buy cheap Louis Vuitton Monogram Waltz online. discout Louis Vuitton Monogram Waltz for sale. buy cheap Louis Vuitton Monogram Tisse SAC online. discount Louis Vuitton Monogram Denim Patchwork on sale! best replica Louis Vuitton Monogram Cerise on sale!

Anonymous said...

What is Breitling? Do you know Breitling Watches? Buy these Breitling Watches sale on line.

Anonymous said...

In 130 countries around the world, each piece of Omega was sold by first-class dealers is the young generation's ideal Omega Watches in modern times.as well as pursue the Omega Watches sale . In American, cheap Omega Watches is the most popular and dicount Omega Watches and the best Omega replica Watches. The combination of Omega Watch and the Omega Watch sale make Fake cheap Omega Watch the leader in the watchesindustry. dicount Omega Watch in moden times is very popular and Omega replica Watch must give you a new life!

qqq said...

Unlike the past, there are more and more jewelry suppliers on the market. In order to win more customers, Tiffany jewellery also has some wholesale agents. It is very convenient to buy Tiffany rings jewelry wholesale online. The only problem is that you have to buy several pieces of silver rings co jewelry at a time. But this problem is also easy to deal with. You can buy your Tiffany earrings jewelry with your colleagues or friends.

Anonymous said...


shoppingugg said...

MBT shoes online
buy mbt shoes sale
where to buy cheap mbt shoes
buy mbt shoes usa there
sale discount mbt shoes
cheap us shoes on sale
Mbt Shoes discount for sale
cheap Mbt Shoes sale online
discount Mbt Shoes sale there
mbt discount shoes for sale

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Do you like MBT shoes
online MBT chapa
buy it MBT chapa shoes
with MBT lami
free MBT lami shoes
shipping MBT kaya
over MBT kaya shoes
us,we MBT M.Walk
sell MBT m walk shoes
on line mbt men shoes
for mbt women shoes and vibram five fingers sale vibram five fingers sale is our discount vibram five fingers best cheap vibram five fingers choice cheap MBT chapa shoes thank cheap MBT lami to cheap MBT lami shoes see cheap MBT kaya it cheap MBT kaya shoes you can cheap MBT M.Walk

spring said...

We in addition have Ed hardy a wide selection of best wonderful Ed hardy uk brand name woman design Ed hardy clothing handbags along with wallets on your preference such as Ed hardy clothes Chanel, Chole, Private coach, Dior, Ed hardy clothing uk Balenciage,acquire wow yellow metal Prada, Gucci, Lv ect. Different apparel accent Ed hardy sale like brand name wrist watches Rolex, Lv along with Ed hardy; popular design bape, New trend, Cheap ed hardy Sterling audigier and also Ed hardy clothing uk Lids; Gucci, Chanel, Louis Vuitton eyewear and also jeans can also be found to get preference