Monday, November 27, 2006

So Wrong

The only reason for this post is because Sherri said there wasn't nearly enough porn on my blog. Not even any barely pervy comedy porn. So I'm a-gonna fix that.

Cue bad 1970's wakka-wakka-wakka porn music. A blond girl with really fake tits is in the shower. There's a knock at the door.

"Who is it?"

"Candygram," says a metallic voice. "Or land shark. Whatever."

"I'm in the shower!" She wraps a towel around her head and answers the door stark naked. At the door is a shiny silver and black Dalek. She tries to let the Dalek into living room but he gets stuck in the doorway (like Daleks tend to do) so he blasts a hole in the wall. She drops on her knees in front of him. "Oh my, what a big plunger you have!" She fondles his plunger for a bit and licks his ray gun.

"It's a good thing this building has an elevator," he says. "I could have never made the stairs." The Dalek pokes at the girl with his plunger. "You will obey!"

Wakka-wakka-wakka. Look at that hot plunger action. Wakka-wakka.

Some really graphic, sticky plunging or something I'm much too lazy to describe. "Ohhhh, exterminate me, harder, harder!" They do something illegal in this state with the Dalek's eye stalk. "Yes, yes yeees!!!"

"You...willl...oooobeyyyy...!"

Money shot. Several smoking holes are blasted into the wall. Neighbors are killed. The girl and the Dalek are seen sharing a cigarette and I dunno, cuddling. Maybe making plans to destroy the Earth together.

*pause*

Damn, that was stupider than usual, even for me. Does doing a Dalek count as bestiality? I know they used to be human but they've mutated into these angry little tentacled dealies who roll around in those metal things and shoot people. So maybe? No? Maybe they're so angry and shoot people because they're not gettin' any. Poor ol' lonely Daleks.

Don't even bother yelling for the Doctor to come stop all this Dalek porno nonsense. He took a wrong turn in time and/or space and wound up having tea with Caligula. That's gonna use up at least two of his remaining regenerations.

*embarassed throat clearing*

Don't mention the horse unless you want to hear a grown man cry.

9 comments:

Scott said...

Hot plunger action. Yes, that's what I need. Actually, now that I think about it, that's not at all what I need.

BlackCrow said...

this is just too funny I have to send a link to my Psychiatrist buddy.

Severina said...

After this entry I may need a psychiatrist buddy myself.

Towanda, Amazonian Jungle Temptress said...

Why does this remind me of my breast pump? Perhaps he is a board certified lactation consultant teaching her how to express milk? The look on her face tells me this goes waaaaay beyond the professional relationship, though.

I've been to this site a few times to look at the knitting patterns, but alas, they're really hard to print. Is there anything that can be done about that? Oh, and there is no such thing as too many skull patterns. Too few, yes. Too many, NEVER.

msfortuknit said...

freak! hahaha

Diana said...

Oh yes, that's what I need!

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