Monday, January 09, 2006

Spring Cleaning

I know it's still January and nowhere near Spring. I meant Spring 2004. Pay attention this time. There will be a quiz later.

It's after the holidays and you think you can breathe a sigh of relief when whaddayaknow some inconsiderate pant-load has a birthday or a bridal shower or some such nonsense where you're obligated to present them with gifts as though they were the Gods on Mount Olympus.

Dammit. Dammit dammit dammit.

If you're anything like me (and I should hope to holy Hell you're not) then you won't want to be wasting your whole ass for anything unless it involves a sofa, a six-pack of Guinness, and/or a guy in leather pants. So here's a smart little idea from McCall's Needlework & Crap that will combine Spring Cleaning and Half-Assed Giftmaking, since you could substitute the neckbones from that Thanksgiving turkey I know you've got lurking in the very depths of your fridge. I won't be asking what year that turkey hails from.

If you're lucky you'll make the gift's recipient look like Screamin' Jay Hawkins for the rest of the evening. If you're really really lucky you'll make them cry for the rest of the week.

McCall's Needlework & Crafts, Spring-Summer 1961.

Oddly enough this is labelled "Just for fun." I really don't think I can handle that much fun.


Scott said...

What kinda lunatic gives somebody a damn chicken-bone necklace as a gift?

Severina said...

Well, I might.

I might also be in dire need of some medication.

Severina said...

Just think what it would smell like.

"Honey, are we having chicken?"

Later. Much later.

"Damn, I still smell chicken! Is there a sandwich under the sofa?"

Way the hell later.

"Out! Out in the yard until you smell better. Yes, I know you threw it away last week but you still smell like rotten chicken. Better yet, I want a divorce!"

Anonymous said...

Actually, if the bones are stripped of any meat and then boiled (for a goodly amount of time) in water with some salt, they come out absolutely white. They will not smell at all if done correctly and allowed to dry. Remember the wishbone wishes we used to (and probably still do) make as children??? They didn't smell at all....