Ginormous Trousers

Ahhh, the sweet mysteries of life.

You've long ago crocheted yourself a pair of thick, lumpy, armored, Ginormous Trousers, and you've left them standing in the corner all by themselves gathering dust.

You later spy said offensive items. You get a hankerin' to wear them. We don't know why. Frankly, we don't even really care. We don't consider the sad, sad state of your life at that point, we just make observations.

You say "I don't need no stinkin' zipper," sew yourself up into them, and the next thing you know, your feet disappear.

Not only that, your left knee goes AWOL.

The worst part is your crotchal area drops by about five inches thus rendering any of the evening's long-overdue solitary fun null and void. I mean you had a copy of Tropic of Capricorn and everything.

What to do, what to do...

McCall's Needlework & Crafts, Fall-Winter 1969-70.