Oh, Ethel!

I was rummaging around for my old 1960's Civil Defense manual today. I kinda though with missles zinging our way pretty soon maybe I'd better study up on which ass cheek the Civil Defense recommended kissing goodbye first. I'm guessing those things'll still be having steering problems so anything aimed for D.C. would make a sharp right and wind up in Stinktown. I'd come home from class and find one of the things plopped on the front lawn, hissing and sparking, probably with the North Korean version of "Hi There!" painted on the side. It would probably go unremarked for several days, since we'd all think it was Bad Student Art and you pretty much tend to ignore Bad Student Art around here unless you're a freshman sculpture major then you squeal and wet yourself every time you see any in case your bestest friend made it. Don't get me started on the stuff made from tampons.

Where was I going with this? Besides me subtly suggesting that I'm not a sculpture major? Uhhhh, hmmmm...

Oh. Yes. Anyhow, I was rummaging around looking for my old 1960's Civil Defense manual and found another manual: Getting to Know Your Frigidaire Imperial Cold Pantry. Nothing remarkable about it; I've had it for years and never opened it. Have no idea where it came from. It's just been on the shelf with a handful of other mauals like Osterizer Recipes and Cooking With Electricity!

Before I put it back I did however, notice that a sheet of old paper with something Xeroxed on it fell out onto the floor. The fridge manual is from the 1950's but I'm guessing the paper is late 70's early 80's.

Back in the day, (beware: old person story) before people e-mailed each other 100 Amazing Things You Can Do With Old Dryer Sheets and crap-shit alerts in ALL CAPS on avoiding bananas because you can get flesh-eating bacteria, they used to while away the day sending each other what folklorists call Xerox-lore. (Google Jan Brunvand) Office workers would waste reams of copy paper printing mountains of crap and passing it around the office, some of that in ALL CAPS as well, most of it pretty useless and painfully unamusing.

Anyhow, I've found a gen-u-ine piece of Xerox-lore, in the form of a festive, hand-drawn holiday card, signed "Love Ethel". It doesn't fold right at all and the drawings are painfully deformed. Do up the holidays old-style by printing a bunch out, folding it up and passing it around at work. Your name doesn't have to be Ethel for much hilarity to ensue, you just have to hope there's an Ethel in the office that it'll all get blamed on.

Extra points if somebody gets fired. Bonus points if somebody gets offended not by the well-endowed short-bus passenger or the nude woman with deer hooves but by the very idea that you were passing around generic non-denominational Season's Greetings cards.

That Ethel must've been a real pistol.