Vintage Stitch-O-Rama Free Pattern Emporium

Hurricane Plans

2011-08-27T09:28:00.002-05:00

My plans for this weekend's hurricane involve finally (stop laughing!) writing out the pattern for the oft-promised gray lace stockings. After a few hours of digging I found the original scribbled notes that got lost in the complete disaster I've gradually let happen while I fight with this accursed novel. I've been intending on doing a nice layout in a pdf file for easier downloading and printing, unless the power goes out and I'm sitting here for the next couple days in the dark listening to the wind blow.

The black lace ones have been put on the back burner for the moment because the cotton/wool blend yarn didn't have enough wool in it for stockings. I was trying to make some summer lace things, and thought I had the perfect yarn but it had absolutely no memory whatsoever. I'd try them on, they'd stretch a little, and after maybe four times of briefly trying them on they'd grown large enough for me to but both legs into. There was no point in writing out the pattern and saying, "Hey, use better yarn, OK?" Yeah, that would've been an awesome pattern.

I think I can get a little design work going on some things I've had ideas for but haven't had the time to work on. I'm not in a novel-writing mood today so I might dust off the knitting needles and pick the cat hair off some yarn. Lots and lots of cat hair.

Questions and Comments and Suchlike Plus A Straight Jacket

2010-02-22T17:38:00.003-05:00

Sorry to anyone who has posted a comment with a question or suggestion--my comments don't connect to my email so I tend to find them much too late. Have a go at my email in my profile and I'll get back with answers pretty fast.

I did find an intriguing question by Jess in my comments today while I was looking for a pattern to link to and it was about finding a straight jacket pattern or making up one.

Have you seen the book Naughty Needles? There's a straight jacket inspired pattern in there with extra-long sleeves that fasten in the back with a D-ring on one sleeve and a metal spring clip on the other. But you could find a sort of plain, unadorned sweater pattern, lengthen the bottom and attach a pair of D-rings at the back crotch and a knitted strap at the front if you don't want it to ride up and lengthen the sleeves maybe 10"-12" with a pair of D-rings on one sleeve end and a strap on the other to cinch them up. Or metal fasteners which might look more interesting when they're not fastened.

Yes, I'm tempted to whip one up right now. There are a couple of fetish-type things I'm in the middle of designing along with a cyber-gothic thing or two, now that the graphics rush at work is done and I can let my brain cool off again, so new patterns coming up in the next few weeks or so.

Yes, that is a threat.

Starlight Evening Gloves

2009-12-12T21:36:00.008-05:00

Starlight Evening Gloves (c)Severina/A Murphy

Formerly published at the now defunct Magknits.

Description of Design: Starlight Evening Gloves make use of a simple all-over eyelet stitch and a faggoting stitch "seam" as their focal point. They were designed using a stocking formula to create a glove that should fit nearly anyone--the resulting fit should make it worth the extra effort. While these very long gloves were knitted from a shiny rayon/cotton blend yarn, they could look equally elegant in a soft cashmere, and for a fun look try them in a glittery lurex. The pattern formula should lend itself to many yarn variations.

Difficulty Level: Intermediate
Materials needed: Sample gloves were knitted from eight ounces of rayon/cotton blend fiber hand spun into a shiny/nubby two ply yarn. One set of size 2 US (2 mm) double pointed needles. Stitch holders. Stitch markers. Tapestry needle. Yarn substitutes: Jaeger Silk 4 ply, four 50 gram balls, Jet Black or Tapestry. Schachenmayer Regia Stretch, four 50 gram balls, Black. Garnstudio Cotton Viscose, four 50 gram balls, Navy, Scarlet Red, or Shocking Pink. Rowan Cotton Glace, four 50 gram balls, Black, Excite, or Passion.
Sizes: Palm circumference: 5 inch / 13 cm (6 inch/ 15 cm, 7 inch /1 cm) Arm sizes adjustable with formula.
Gauge: 32 stitches and 40 rows measured over 4 inches.

Schematics:

Stitch instructions

Simple Eyelet Pattern: Multiple of 8 stitches.
Row 1: (Right side) Knit.
Row 2 and all other wrong-side rows: Purl.
Row 3: *K 6, yo, k2 tog, rep from *.
Row 5: Knit.
Row 7: K2, * yo, k2 tog, k6, rep from *, end last rep k4.
Row 8: Purl.

Faggoting Stitch: Multiple of 4 stitches.
Row 1: K1, yo, k2 tog, k1.
Row 2: K1, k2 tog, yo, k1.

Pattern: In order to calculate stitch count for arm you will have to take several measurements: Circumference of upper arm, wrist, and palm; and length from armpit (or desired length) to wrist.
Multiply number of stitches per inch in your gauge swatch by the number of inches in upper arm circumference and wrist circumference. Round off both to even numbers.
Subtract wrist number from upper arm number. This will be the number of stitches you will decrease between upper arm and wrist. Divide this number by two since you will be decreasing two stitches each time.
Length between upper arm and wrist divided by number of stitches decreased will give the frequency of decreases.
Sample gloves started out with a measurement of 10 inches at the upper arm. 8 gauge stitches X 10 inches = 80 cast on stitches. Wrist measurement was 6 inches X 8 gauge stitches = 48 stitches. 80 - 48 = 32, divided by 2 = 16. Two decreases were made 16 times, and since arm length of sample glove was 18 inches decreases were made approximately every inch.
Circumference of palm gives glove size. Stitch count at wrist may be the same as palm or some stitches may have to be increased.

Right Glove
Arm: Cast on stitches from upper arm number and divide between three needles. Work in K1, P1 rib for 1 inch (2.5 cm). Count stitches on first needle and subtract 4, then divide resulting number by two. Place marker at this point. This is where the Fagoting Stitch "seam" will start.
Work Simple Eyelet Stitch to marker, work Faggoting Stitch, place second marker, then work eyelet stitch around the rest of unworked stitches. Work in pattern for at least 1 inch before starting decreases to establish eyelet pattern.
Decreases are worked on either side of markers. Become familiar with how the eyelets are placed as they are worked so that the pattern stays uniform as stitches are decreased.
Continue to work arm in pattern, making sure you try the glove on to check fit and desired length.
When desired length to wrist has been reached discontinue Faggoting Stitch.

Glove Preperation: Size small is 46 stitches, medium is 48 stitches, and large is 50 stitches. You will have to rearrange stitches on needles: small 23, 11, 12; medium 24, 12, 12; large 25, 12, 13. The largest number is on the first needle with the faggoting stitch in the center as for upper arm. This will make sure faggoting is in center of palm.
Discontinue eyelet stitch on palm of glove (first needle) to ensure that the pattern will line up properly. Line up eyelet pattern on back of hand.
Palm: Work 4 rounds as established, discontinuing eyelet and faggoting stitch on palm and increasing stitches for hand as needed.
Thumb increases: K2, place marker, inc 1 sts, k2, inc 1 st, place marker, work in pattern around. Work without increasing for 2 rounds. Repeat these three rounds until there are 12 (14, 14) stitches between markers, working thumb only in \b eyelet stitch\b0 .
Work in pattern as established until piece reaches desired length from wrist to base of thumb. K2 sts, place next 12 (14, 14) stitches to stitch holder. Cast on 4 sts and work to end of round.
Work hand in pattern as established until piece reaches desired length to base of index finger.
Index Finger: Take 6 (6, 7) sts from palm and 7 (7, 8) sts from back of hand and place remaining sts on stitch holders. Divide the 13 (13, 14) stitches between three needles. Cast on 2 sts between palm and back of hand. Work around in eyelet stitch, lining up eyelets with pattern on back of hand, until index finger is 1/4 inch from tip. *K2 tog. Repeat from * around. Next round-K around. Break yarn, leaving a tail. Thread yarn through tapestry needle and pull through remaining sts and pull tight. Darn in end.
Middle Finger: Take 6 (6, 6) sts from palm and 6 (7, 7) sts from back of hand and place remaining sts on stitch holders. Place the 12 (13, 13) stitches between two needles. Cast on 2 sts between palm and back of hand and pick up 2 sts from cast-on sts of index finger. Divide sts between three needles. Work around in eyelet stitch, lining up eyelets with pattern on back of hand, until index finger is 1/4 inch from tip. *K2 tog. Repeat from * around. Next round-K around. Break yarn, leaving a tail. Thread yarn through tapestry needle and pull through remaining sts and pull tight. Darn in end.
Ring Finger: Take 5 (5, 5) sts from palm and 5 (6, 6) sts from back of hand and place remaining sts on stitch holders. Place the 10 (11, 11) stitches between two needles. Cast on 2 sts between palm and back of hand and pick up 2 sts from cast-on sts of middle finger. Divide sts between three needles. Work around in eyelet stitch, lining up eyelets with pattern on back of hand, until index finger is 1/4 inch from tip. *K2 tog. Repeat from * around. Next round-K around. Break yarn, leaving a tail. Thread yarn through tapestry needle and pull through remaining sts and pull tight. Darn in end.
Little Finger: Take 5 (5, 6) sts from palm and 6 (6, 6) sts from back of hand and place remaining sts on stitch holders. Place the 11 (11, 12) stitches between two needles. Pick up 2 sts from cast-on sts of ring finger. Divide sts between three needles. Work around in eyelet stitch, lining up eyelets with pattern on back of hand, until index finger is 1/4 inch from tip. *K2 tog. Repeat from * around. Next round-K around. Break yarn, leaving a tail. Thread yarn through tapestry needle and pull through remaining sts and pull tight. Darn in end.
Thumb: Divide sts for thumb on three needles, picking up 4 sts from 4 cast-on sts. Work in eyelet stitch until thumb measures 1/4 inch from tip, decreasing as for other fingers.

Left Glove: Work as for Right Glove, reversing shaping by putting thumb increases at end of first needle and starting left index finger above thumb shaping.
Finishing: Darn in yarn ends. Wash according to yarn label and lie flat to dry, pulling arm to length slightly.

Not Dead, Just Brain-Dead

2009-12-07T19:21:00.003-05:00

I'm brain-dead and I've been embalmed.

Not much of an excuse for not posting anything new here for at least a year, but other than that I got nothin'. I mean, there's no point in claiming laziness as an excuse.

But I have got ten (count 'em, ten!) new vintage patterns that I posted today and as usual I've got a couple of odd ones since I'm more than a little tired of finding only afghans, baby clothes, and crocheted edging when I'm perusing the internets for free vintage clothes patterns.

So check out the Vintage Pattern List and print some stuff up.

Coming soon: I'm designing some new stuff like I mentioned a few posts back, whatever I said. Yeah, those things.

The Stratford--One-Piece Dress, Hat and Purse, 1933

2009-12-07T18:48:00.003-05:00

Ladies Knitted Under-Jacket, 1875

2009-12-07T18:17:00.002-05:00

Not really a jacket, but an undershirt. Usually these things are called "vests" or "undervests" or something less likely to conjure up the thought it was meant as an outerwear garment.

Like most patterns of this era no finished size, gauge, or needle size is given. Mmmm, helpful.

Knitted Under-Stays, 1875

2009-12-07T18:07:00.003-05:00

Meant to be worn beneath the corset for extra warmth. No finished size, gauge, or needle sizes given and no explanation of how it should be closed in the back. Possibly it was sewn up the back like a tube top and the buttonhole stitching is around the top and bottom edges. The only similar patterns to this I've found thus far have been crocheted out of cotton cord, laced up the back, and were meant to be used as lightweight stays for ladies and children.

Bead Bracelet and Chain, 1863

2009-12-07T18:02:00.003-05:00

There was no illustration of the finished bracelet in the book I found this pattern in, but it's easy enough to picture if you read the instructions.

Ladies Knee-Caps, 1885

2009-12-07T17:42:00.003-05:00

My only comment is that people's knees must've been frickin' cold during the Victorian days because I've run across at least a dozen different knee-cap patterns for both men and women. You'd think with all the flannel undies, voluminous skirts and petticoats, and woolen stockings that they'd be happy for their knees to get a little breeze now and again.

This one I particularly liked because it looked creepy and orthopedic, and I thought if it was knitted in black it could be part of a Victorianindustrial getup, or it could even drift casually over into steampunk mad-scientist territory. Or something.

Maybe I like these damned things a little too much.

*scampers away*

Ladies Mitt, 1850

2009-12-07T17:36:00.003-05:00

Note: I haven't yet tried this one out so I've posted it "as is" directly from the book.

The Lady's Album of Fancy Work, 1850

Materials—Raworth's crochet-thread Nos. 120 and 90, or black crape silk.

Explanation of Terms.—French ground: six chain stitches united to the centre stitch of former row. Long close: long stitches, without any chain-stitch between.

The receipt for the back of mitten is here given, the underpart and the thumb being simply French ground-work, finished at the top and bottom like the back, leaving an opening at the side for the thumb. Make a chain long enough to go round the wrist in thread No. 90, and work one plain row. Fasten on thread No. 120, and work one treble and row of French ground of six stitches to each hole.—

1st fancy row. 5 holes of French ground, 6 long close, 10 French ground.—
2d row. 5 French ground, 12 long close, 10 French ground.—
3d row. 4 French ground, 6 long close, 3 French ground, 12 long close, 1 French ground, 6 long close, 4 French ground.—
4th row. 5 French ground, 6 long close, 2 French ground, 6 long close, 2 French ground, 12 long close, 4 French ground.—
5th row. 5 French ground, 15 long close, 2 French ground, 5 long close, 1 French ground, 5 long close, 3 French ground.—
6th row. 7 French ground, 5 long close, 2 French ground, 18 long close, 4 French ground.—
7th row. 4 French ground, 5 long close, 2 French ground, 5 long close, 2 French ground, 5 long close, 1 French ground, 12 long close, 4 French ground.—
8th row. 3 French ground, 12 long close, 1 French ground, 5 long close, 3 French ground, 12 long close, 1 French ground, 5 long close, 3 French ground.—
9th row. 3 French ground, 5 long close, 1 French ground, 5 long close, 4 French ground, 18 long close, 3 French ground.—
10th row. 3 French ground, 5 long close, 1 French ground, 5 long close, 3 French ground, 12 long close, 1 French ground, 12 long close, 3 French ground.—
11th row. 3 French ground, 12 long close, 2 French ground, 12 long close, 1 French ground, 12 long close, 1 French ground, 5 long close, 3 French ground.—
12th row. 5 French ground, 5 long close, 1 French ground, 5 long close, 1 French ground, 12 long close, 5 French ground, 12 long close, 3 French ground.—
13th row. 6 French ground, 5 long close, 1 French ground, 12 long close, 1 French ground, 12 long close, 1 French ground, 5 long close, 3 French ground.—
14th row. 5 French ground, 5 long close, 3 French ground, 12 long close, 1 French ground, 12 long close, 4 French ground.—
15th row. 4 French ground, 5 long close, 1 French ground, 5 long close, 2 French ground, 5 long close, 1 French ground, 12 long close, 5 French ground.—
16th row. 3 French ground, 12 long close, 1 French ground, 18 long close, 9 French ground.—
17th row. 4 French ground, 5 long close, 1 French ground, 5 long close, 2 French ground, 5 long close, 1 French ground, 12 long close, 5 French ground.—
18th row. 4 French ground, 12 long close, 3 French ground, 12 long close, 1 French ground, 5 long close, 4 French ground.—
19th row. 12 French ground, 5 long close, 5 French ground.—
20th, 21st, and 22d rows. French ground.—
23d row. 1 plain, 5 long close, 1 plain into each loop.
For the Edging.—1 treble, 1 French ground.—
1st fancy row. 1 hole of French and 6 long close alternately all round.—
2d row. Wholes of French ground, 6 long close all round.—
3d row. 6 long close, 5 chain, 2 long close, 5 chain all round.—
4>th row. Same as the 3d.—
5th row. 6 long close, 5 chain, 6 chain, 8 chain, 6 chain to be worked into the same loop, 5 chain; repeat all round. The engraving will greatly assist in working out this.

Crocheted Watch Fob, 1915

2009-12-07T17:26:00.002-05:00

Uhhh, I highly recommend using another fob charm, no matter what this one meant in 1915.

Ribbed Stockings, 1948

2009-12-07T15:11:00.003-05:00

Rondo Sweater, 1940s

2009-12-07T15:00:00.005-05:00

Another item from Australia, this time from the Patons Knitting Book no. 279. No date, but it appears to be mid-to-late 1940s, since there are no "wartime" ads.

Gorgeous sweater and yet another one on my list of Crap To Do.

1940s Cami-Knickers

2009-12-07T14:37:00.004-05:00

Oh look! She really has posted some new stuff, just like she said.

However, I'm being lazy at the moment, and I appear to be in the market for some bifocals sooo in order to not totally eff up the instructions I've just scanned them so they print up all nice-like.

I've knitted up a pair of cami-knickers from a Weldon's pattern a couple of years ago and they're pretty nice under skirts in the wintertime. This set, or another lacy one are on my list of Crap To Do. One day, one day. I should either knit faster, read fewer books, or finish building that time machine.

Cami-knickers pattern from an Australian publication whose title I can't seem to lay my hands on at the moment. Hell. It's the same book that I got the 1940s French Knickers out of.

She Kinda Sucks

2009-12-05T18:33:00.005-05:00

I know I've been too busy playing with my new friend Etsy, but you know The Vintage Stitch-O-Rama will always be my BFF. Really, Etsy's mom pays me to come over to her house and play. But the Stitch-O-Rama is still my oldest and dearest friend and will always take me back, no matter what a lame-o I've been.

To make up for the sad fact that I haven't posted any vintage or new patterns in at least a year I have a mound of things ready to post in a couple of days. I have a gorgeous 1940s lace sweater that I've typed up most of the pattern to, some more 1940s undies patterns I've got here next to the computer, 1950s machine-knit dresses, some random Victorian/Edwardian accessories, plus a few new things like another pair of stockings, and a fast scarf pattern. There are a couple of random ideas for fetish/bondage items and a cybergothic/industrial shrug and skirt that I'll be casting on soon.

Yeah, you heard me.

Some Sort of Anniversary, I Suppose

2008-12-01T08:57:00.008-05:00

Apparently this blog has been here in some form or other since November 23, 2005.

Yeah, you're all just as thrilled as I am.

So in the random vein of this blog I offer a few random items from The Dorcas Magazine, 1885.

These dubious images are from an embroidered doily set called "The Hilarious Chicken," most of which seem to illustrate the abuse of an innocent fowl and his decent into alcoholism. I find this to be a different definition of "hilarious" than I am accustomed to.

This next snippet is a quite shocking bit of pornography, and it must be the first time any woman in a ladies handiwork magazine entreated a man to take articles out of his trousers and rub them. I've never heard of a lady's naughty bits being called a "corner" but I'm open-minded.

I'm also impressed that her husband is prompt and "well-regulated."

Crocheted Cogs

2008-09-23T20:18:00.005-05:00

Crocheted Cogs (c)Severina/A Murphy 2008

Crocheted cog wheels, for those of you who have a kinky fetish for clockwork unmentionables, feel the need for steampunk table linens, or want a dress trimming to honor your robot overlords.

This has actually been lying around for over a year, waiting for me to write down the pattern. It was designed during an episode of weapons-grade flu and was used in a textiles-class project that went over like the proverbial concrete airship. So it sat and I glowered at it and unraveled it in a fury then had to do it all over again from scratch trying to remember just what the hell I did the first time.

The little starfish arms curl all by themselves, much to my surprise, so they look like the flywheel of an old lathe at my job.

No gauge needed but example was crocheted with very fine weaving silk and a vintage thrift-store hook with no size marked, making a motif 4 1/2" x 2".

Abbreviations:
sc- single crochet
dc- double crochet
sl- slip
st- stitch
ch--chain
rep- repeat

Pattern uses US crochet terms.

Cog 1
The above diagram was included to make the printed instructions that much more confusing.
Row 1- Ch 6, join into ring.
Row 2- *Ch 11, turn, skip 4 ch, then 7 dc down chain to starting ring, 1 sc in ring*, rep 4 more times, making a 5-pointed star.
Row 3- Slip stitch along the chain-7 of the first arm of the star. This will bring you to the chain-4 at the tip. Ch 1, then 1 sc in the ch-4 loop. &Chain 11, then 1 sc in the the second ch-4 loop*, rep 3 more times, ch 11, then slip stitch into the first sc at the beg of row.
Row 4- Ch 2, *1 dc into sc, 12 dc over ch-11 of the previous row*, rep 4 more times, then slip stitch into ch-2 at beginning of row.
Row 5- *Sc in next 2 dc, make picot (ch 3, slip stitch into first ch)*, rep to end of round.

Cog 2
This one is made much like Cog 1 but with a 3-armed star.
Row 1- Ch 6, join into a ring.
Row 2- *Ch 8, turn, skip 4 ch, then 4 dc down chain to starting ring, 3 sc in ring*, rep 2 more times, making a 3-pointed star.
Row 3- Slip stitch along the ch-4 of the first arm of the star. This will bring you to the ch-4 at the top. Ch 1, then 1 sc in the ch-4 loop, *chain 13, then 1 sc in the ch-4 loop*, rep 1 more time, ch 13, then slip stitch into the first sc at beginning of row.
Row 4- Ch 2, *1 dc into sc at beg of row, 15 dc over ch-13 of previous row*, rep 2 more times, then slip stitch into ch 2 at beginning of row.
Row 5- *Sc in next 2 dc, make picot (ch 3, sl st into first ch)*, rep to end of round.

Cog 3
Row 1- Ch 5, join into a ring.
Row 2- Ch 3, work 22 triple crochets into ring, sl st into the ch-3 at beginning of row.
Row 3- *Sc in next 2 triple crochets, make picot (ch 3, sl st into first ch)*, rep to end of row.

Weave in ends.

Above motif uses 1 of Cog 1, 2 of Cog 2, and 4 of Cog 3. Sew cogs together making sure the gears mesh.

Make Your Own Victorian Hairpieces

2008-08-09T19:22:00.008-05:00

Just in case you thought you didn't have a use for all that hair you've been secretly saving. You thought I didn't know about the hair, didn't you? I see everything.

Switches were braided and pinned into a lady's hair to give the appearance of having several acres more of the stuff than she really had. False curls were worn at the back, sides or across the forehead. Most ladies had a hair receiver on her toilet table to put hair combings into which were then either sent away to be made into hair pieces or woven herself. Shorter or unusable hair was used to make "rats" which plumped out pompadour hairdos and chignons.

Self-Instructor in the Art of Hair Work, Dressing Hair, Making Curls, Switches, Braids, and Hair Jewelry of Every Description, Mark Campbell, 1867

The above cut represents the apparatus used for weaving hair into switches, curls, wigs, etc. It is a very simple arrangement, and can be easily constructed. Provide two sticks, about twelve inches long, and in one of them bore three small holes, two inches apart, in which to place as many thumb-screws, to be used for tightening or loosening the cords; in the other, have a single wooden pin or nail, to fasten the cords to. Place the sticks in a firm, upright position, about three feet apart, either by boring holes through a table, or by using mortised blocks, such as plainly shown in cut, at the right end. After placing them in position, put on three cords, as shown in diagram, numbered 1, 2 and 3. For this weft use linen thread, at Nos. 1, 2 and 3.

In commencing to weave, place the hair between two cards (the square brushes used in carding wool), and draw out with the right hand, between the thumb and fore-finger, the quantity of hair required for the size of the weft; then change it to the left hand, and place it up to the threads, Nos. 1, 2 and 3; lay the strand over No. 1, under No, 2, over No. 3, around under No. 3, over Nos. 2 and 1, around under Nos. 1 and 2, over No. 3, around under Nos. 3 and 2, and over No. 1. Then push the strands together, as in cut.

Note: Modern pre-made weft hair can be purchased and sewed into switches and hairpieces.

The No. 1 of the above cuts represents the winding and sewing of the switch after it is woven. For sewing a switch on points, after weaving, take a Berlin cord, about one-sixteenth of an inch thick, and tie a solid knot at the end, and sew the end of the weft to the knotted end of the cord; then wind the weft around the cord, as shown in the cut, the length of point desired, turning the end of the cord over to form a loop. Cut the weft according to the number of points desired in the switch. Cut No. 2 shows the switch all complete.

Note: He does not clarify the term "points."
After weaving, according to directions, take a piece of ribbon an inch wide, the same color of hair, and as long as you wish the curls to be in width, and sew the weft to it back and forth. After that is done, pipe them, which is done in this manner: Dampen the hair, comb each curl out straight, and wind it tightly on a rattan stick about four inches long, having each curl on a separate stick, and commencing to wind at the tip end, tying them firmly to keep in place. Then boil in water for thirty minutes, and place them in an oven as hot as they will bear without burning, until quite dry. When dry and perfectly cool, take them off the sticks, and smooth over a curling iron, the size you wish the curls. Side curls and frizzes should be prepared the same way.

Ladies' Knit Gaiters, 1857

2008-07-24T23:53:00.008-05:00

Ladies' Knitted Gaiters, Godey's Lady's Book, 1857

*pattern corrected 7/27/08*

Notes: The term "seamed" here means "purled." A modern seven-stitch cable can be substituted for the old method worked in Rows 24 and 25.

Materials: Three half-ounce skeins of 4-thread German wool, and pins, (single-pointed knitting needles) No. 14 (US size 0), are required.

These gaiters are frequently done in cotton, when the wool is found unpleasant to the skin. Then use No. 10 knitting cotton.

Cast on 87 stitches.
1st Row--Knit.
2d.--Seamed.
3d.--Knit.
4th--Knit 9, *knit 2 together, knit 2 together, knit 7, repeat from *.
5th--Seamed.
6th.--Knit 4, *make 1, knit 1, make 1, knit 2, knit 2 together, knit 2 together, knit 2, repeat from *.
7th.--Seamed.
8th.--Knit 5, *make 1, knit 1, make 1, knit 2, knit 2 together,
knit 2 together, knit 2, repeat from *.
9th.--Seamed.
10th.--Knit 6, *make 1, knit 1, make 1, knit 8, repeat from *.
11th.--Seamed.
12th.--Knit.
13th.--Knit.
14th.--Seamed.
15th.--Knit.
16th.--(The pattern now divides by 9; and there should be 90 stitches on the pin.)--*Make 1, knit 2 together, knit 7, repeat from *.
17th.--*Make 1, seam 2 together, seam 7.
Repeat the last two rows alternately till 23 rows are done.
24th.--*Make 1, knit 2 together, slip off 3 stitches on to another pin, knit 4, repeat from *.
25th.--*Make 1, seam 2 together, taking the first of the 4 and the first of the 3 on the other pin together, seam the 2 stitches on the other pin, then seam the 3 remaining from the 4, seam 1, repeat from stitch, the repeat from 16th row five times more, then repeat from 16th row once, increasing 1 at the beginning of every row. These stitches are kept plain at the edge, and must not interfere with the pattern. Then knit once from the 16th row, decreasing 1 stitch at the beginning of every row. This will bring the stitches to the original number. *Knit 2 together, knit 7, repeat from * next row, * seam 2 together, seam 6, repeat from *.
Seam 1 row, knit 1 row, seam 1 row, next row, seam 2 and knit 2 stitches alternately.
Knit 42 rows like the last, knitting the stitches that were seamed in the previous row, and seaming those that were knit. This makes the knitting ribbed, and tightens it in for the ankle.
43rd.--Seam 2 and knit 2 alternately, till 16 stitches are done; then pick up a stitch and knit it; knit till within 16 of the end, and increase another stitch in the same way; knit to the end, seaming and knitting 2 alternately as before.
44th and 45th same as 43rd; but the increased stitches must not interfere with the ribs.
Repeat these 2 rows till 6 stitches are increased on each side, then let off 24 stitches on each side on to another pin, and knit the remaining stitches backwards and forwards in ribs as before, till 12 rows are done; decrease 1 stitch at the beginning and end of the next row.
Knit 8 more rows, and decrease again; then knit 4 rows more, take up 16 stitches down the side of the toe to meet the 24 stitches that were let off, put them all on to one pin, take up 16 stitches on the other side, and take the 24 stitches on the other pin also on to the same.
Knit 4 plain rows, and cast off. Sew back seam. A leather strap fastened to the little gore on each side of the foot completes the gaiter.

Victorian Miser's Purse

2008-07-24T20:15:00.008-05:00

This is based on the dozens of miser's purse patterns I've seen and collected. It was adapted to the yarn and beads I had on hand. Miser's purses were used through most of the 19th century to hold coins. Some purses had different colored silks or beads on each end to differentiate what coins were in each pouch, others had a round pouch on one end and a square one on the other.

Materials: Approximately 3500 size 11/0 black beads, 40 size 6 amber beads.
Size 1.50 mm crochet hook or the size that works with your silk thread.
2 short sections of 3/8" copper pipe.
60/2 superfine silk weaving yarn.
Beading needles.

Finished size: 2 1/4" x 11"

Stitch gauge: 16 stitches per inch (single crochet)

The silk weaving yarn (60/2 means 60 threads per inch, 2 ply) was purchased from Woodland Woolworks several years ago and may not still be available. Silk beading cord in different sizes and colors are also made by Gudebrod. Silk sewing thread may also be substituted. I doubled my 60/2 thread and it was still small enough to fit through a size 8/0 bead, if that helps sizing at all. There is also a colored polyester thread called Jean Stitch that is being used now for bead crochet.

Monogram uses the font Nasty. I enlarged the letters until they fit centered in a 40 x 40 pixel space and charted them on graph paper. Remember to make your monogram a reversed image because you will be dropping your beads on the wrong side of the work.

In bead crochet the hook is inserted in the stitch, yarn over and draw the yarn through (two loops on hook), drop bead, yarn over and draw yarn through both loops completing single crochet. The bead should be lying with the hole vertical. Crochet tightly!

Note: Animated bead crochet lessons can be found here.

String half the beads onto your silk and carefully wind into a ball or a spool. Chain 80 and join into a ring, being careful not to twist stitches. Single crochet 15 plain rows, then crochet monogram on both sides of bag following your chart, then crochet 15 plain rows. Work 4 rounds of 1 double crochet, 1 chain. Crochet back and forth 20 rows to make the mouth of the purse. Resume work in rounds for 4 more rows. Break thread and put on rings. Make a second bag in the same way using other monogram but stopping before the double crochet mesh. Sew second bag to mesh. Sew bottoms of both bags.

Fringe: 4 double crochet, chain 4, repeat across bottom of bag. 2nd Row--7 double crochet in chain 4 loop, 1 single crochet between 2nd and 3rd double crochet of last row. Repeat across row. Using beading needle string 14 black beads and one amber bead, then return needle down black beads to purse. There are 4 strands on each scallop.

Finishing: The original silk yarn was a light natural beige so I soaked the bag in strong tea to give it a light brown color. Squeeze out excess water by rolling purse in a towel, then stretch purse lightly to even out stitches. Silk will stiffen when it gets wet but handling it once it is dry will soften it up.

Pattern (c)Severina/A Murphy 2008

Beaded Mitts

2008-07-24T19:35:00.003-05:00

This pattern adapts two late Victorian Weldon's knitting patterns, Knitted & Beaded Cuffs, and Ladies Mitt.

Materials:
Original was made from cotton/ramie yarn recycled from a thrift store sweater, but two balls of any fingering or lace weight yarn that you can easily thread size 8/0 beads onto will work. Remember that a wool yarn will be much stretchier than a cotton or silk yarn.
Approximately 2000 silver-tone size 8/0 beads. Number of beads may vary with the number of rows needed for the cuff to slip over your wrist. Beads are cheap, so buy extra and use what's left on another project!
Size 0 US double-pointed needles, size1 US single-pointed needles.
Stitch markers.
Tapestry needle.
Scrap yarn or stitch holder.

Cuff:
With the size 1 needles cast on 30 stitches.
Row 1--Knit one row.
Row 2--Knit 1, slip 3 stitches, pass 4 beads down the yarn until they are close to the work, knit 1, knit 3 stitches, passing a bead up to each, knit 5, knit 5 bead stitches, knit 5, knit 3 bead stitches, slip 3, pass 4 beads, knit 1.
Row 3--Knit one row. The stitches that are slipped in the previous row must be very loosely knitted or the cuff will too tight.
Row 4--Knit 1, slip 3 stitches, pass 4 beads, knit 1, knit 3 bead stitches, knit 4, slip 1, pass 4 beads, knit 1, slip 2, pass 5 beads, knit 1, slip 1, pass 4 beads, knit 5, knit 3 bead stitches, slip 3, pass 4 beads, knit 1.
Repeat last four rows until cuff is long enough to slip easily over hand. Cast off and sew ends together. Make two.

Mitt:
Using the double-pointed needles evenly pick up 65 stitches along one edge of the cuff. If there are too many stitches or too few you can use the next two or three rows to adjust the number of stitches. They can also be knitted without the given stitch pattern.
1st round--Knit 1, purl 2, knit 1, purl 1, and repeat.
2nd round--The same.
3rd round--Plain.
4th round--Plain.
5th round--Knit 1, purl 1, knit 1, purl 2, and repeat.
6th round--The same.
7th round--Plain.
8th round--Plain.
These 8 rounds constitute the pattern.
9th round--Begin to increase for the thumb by picking up and knitting a stitch after the first stitch, and picking up and knitting a stitch before the fifth stitch, working all else in pattern as before, placing stitch markers. It helps to center the cuff seam on the bottom of the hand so that the thumb will be on the right or the left and reverse for other hand.
Continue the pattern and increase again in the 13th round after the first stitch and before the seventh stitch. Go on increasing in every fourth round, each time knitting 2 more stitches in pattern between the increasings, till there are 20 stitches increased for the thumb. Now work without any more increasing till there are 11 patterns all done from the wrist. Place hand stitches on holder or scrap yarn.
For the Thumb--Knit in pattern the first 20 stitches, cast on 5 stitches, and join round on three needles. Work 3 patterns--i.e., 24 rounds; do 8 rounds of ribbing, 2 stitches plain and 2 stitches purl; and cast off.
Pick up the Hand stitches and divide them evenly on three needles, picking up 5 over those cast on for the thumb. Knit 5 patterns; then 12 rounds of ribbing; and cast off. The mitten for the right hand is worked in the same manner, only the thumb is knitted at the end of the third needle instead of the beginning of the first needle.

Darn in yarn ends and block if needed.

Pattern (c)Severina/A Murphy 2008

Knitted & Beaded Cuffs, 1890

2008-07-24T19:03:00.003-05:00

Knitted & Beaded Cuffs, Weldon's Practical Knitter, 1890

No needle size or gauge given.

These narrow bands, which resemble bracelets rather than cuffs, are always much appreciated by old ladies, who like to wear them in summer when longer ones are too warm. They may be made in a great variety of colours of beads upon any shade of wool, and can be arranged so as to match any dress. Brown and gold always look well together, so do grey and steel, while metallic beads may now be had in various shades of ruby, peacock blue, bronze, or green, besides the more commonplace gold and silver. The wool may be either single Berlin or Andalusian, the latter by preference, as being softer and more elastic. Knitting silk makes handsome cuffs, but it is less pleasant than wool to work with. The beads, of No. 8 size, must be threaded first, and the greater part of them passed along the wool for a long distance before the work is commenced.

Cast on twenty-four stitches, and knit one plain row. Remember that every alternate row must be plain knitting without any beads, or the beads will come on the wrong side of the work.
2nd Row--Slip 3 stitches, as if for purling, from the left hand to the right hand needle, pass 4 beads along the wool till they are close to the work, knit 1 stitch. The stitches that are slipped in one row must be very loosely knitted in the next, or the work will be drawn out of place and the cuff rendered too tight. Knit 3 stitches, passing a bead up to each, knit 3, knit 5 stitches with beads, knit 3, knit 3 bead stitches, slip 3, pass along 4 beads.
Knit the next row plain.
4th Row--Slip 3, pass along 4 beads, knit 1, knit 3 beads stitches, knit 2, slip 1, pass along 4 beads, slip 2, pass along 5 beads, slip 1, pass along4 beads, knit 2, knit 3 bead stitches, slip 3, pass along 4 beads.
Repeat these four rows until the cuff is long enough to fit closely round the wrist. It will probably require about a hundred rows in all. Cast off and sew the ends together on the wrong side.

A Christmas (Carol) Pattern: Victorian Shroud, 1838

2007-12-20T20:11:00.000-05:00

Not technically a Christmas pattern, unless you've decided to dress up like Jacob Marley this weekend and wander round the neighborhood frightening children. More useful if you and your beloved are thinking of adding "The Lonely Undertaker and the Lady's Corpse" to your role playing repertoire.

Victorian Shroud Pattern, inspired by one found in The Workwoman's Guide, by A Lady, 1838. This book is being reprinted by Opus Publications. Use the Google and get yourself a copy.

The pattern gives no measurements whatsoever and only shows a partial sketch so my version is mostly guesswork. The fit of a shroud isn't important--all you're trying to accomplish is to cover up all the nasty parts of the dearly departed with an unflattering white garment until you can get the lid nailed on the box.

The shroud mentioned in the book was made of a white fabric called "shrouding flannel." I'm guessing English corpses caught chills easily and needed the flannel to keep warm. Shrouds were traditionally made of linen or cotton but were more than likely made up of whatever white fabric you had in the house when Uncle Tobias took the big dirt nap. Making his shroud out of the sheets off the bed the old bastard died in are a great way of recycling.

No measurements are given but you were supposed to use "a breadth and a half" of the flannel for the width (front and back together). Try 28 inches across the front for a start. The back has a slit from the feet to the collar, like a hospital gown, to make it easier to haul the thing on beastly dead Auntie Agnes. If you're going to do much romping around in it I suggest some ties or a button or two. The total length should be from the shoulder to the floor, covering the feet.

The pattern says to make plain long sleeves that have no gussets so go for a rectangular shape maybe 16"-18" wide. The sleeves can cover the hands or not--you can adjust the length after they've been sewed on. A pleated ruffle of the flannel, maybe 1 1/2-2 inches long, finishes the sleeve ends, and another pleated ruffle goes around the bottom of the shroud.

You'll notice I forgot the sleeve ruffles in the sketch. You'll also notice that I slept through my six years of art school.

The front of a woman's shroud has gathers down the front in a narrow section but the book doesn't say how narrow a section so maybe a couple of inches wide. Make one at the waist and then two more at 7 inch intervals. A men's shroud leaves out the gathers. There are no drafting instructions for the neck hole. A men's t-shirt collar is a good place to start, just so long as it doesn't scoop down too low. It should fit fairly closely around the neck. The neck is finished with a pleated ruffle of the flannel, perhaps 1 1/2-2 inches deep. Short strips of ruffles are also sewed to the gathered sections of the woman's shroud.

To complete the ensemble there is a cap, "cut exactly like an infants foundling cap," meaning it looks like a baby's bonnet with a deep ruffle around the face. I'm completely baffled as to the purpose of dressing up Grandpa to look like Baby Huey. Personally, I'm quite partial to the strip of fabric tied under the jaw and knotted on top of the head to keep the deceased's mouth shut during the funeral.

Don't forget the rouge.

Showing My Knickers

2007-06-19T20:54:00.000-05:00

Gratuitous French knickers progress here.

OK, OK, it's not that gratuitous. It's just one photo. *grumble* Just you wait until I get batteries for the camera! I'll show you, dammit!

What I'll show you is three new patterns. Lace kneesocks that just need to be charted out, rayon vintage-inspired gloves knitted on size 00 US needles, and some random bead thingy that shouldn't even need a pattern but I'm posting it as one anyway.

So there.

French Knickers, 1940's

2007-06-04T10:13:00.000-05:00

French Knickers made in crepe or wool

Materials: 5 hanks of pure silk crepe or 5 oz. of 3-ply wool, 2 No. 10 (US #3) and 2 No. 12 (US #2) knitting needles, elastic as required

Measurements: Hips, 38 ins., waist, 26 ins., side leg, 17 1/2 ins.

Tension: 7 sts. and 9 rows to 1 in. (on No. 10 needes)
For size smaller work at a tension of 8 sts. and 10 rows to 1 ins.

Note--With this patt. sts vary on each of the 3 rows. See **.

Beginning at lower edge of right leg with No. 10 needles, cast on 190 sts. and work in patt. as follows:

1st to 4th rows--Knit.

5th row--K.1, * k. 2 tog., m.1, sl.1, k.1, p.s.s.o.; rep. from * ending k.1 (143 sts.) **.

6th row--K.1, * p.1, (k.1, p.1) into next st., p.1; rep from * ending k.1 (190 sts.) **.

7th row--Sl.1, k.1, p.s.s.o., * m.1, sl.1, k.1, p.s.s.o.; rep. from * to end (189 sts.) **.

8th row--Purl. (189 sts).

9th row--K.2, k. twice into next st., * sl.1, k.1 into next st. but leave the loop on left-hand needle, p.s.s.o., then pass 2nd st. on left-hand needle over the loop (i.e., 2nd half of st. just worked), then k. the loop, k. twice into next st.; rep. from * ending k.2 (190 sts.).

10th row--Purl.

11th to 15th rows--Rep. 5th to 9th rows once.

16th to 18th rows--Garter st.

Change to stockinette st. and work 22 more rows.

Shape Front and Back Seams.

Next row (right side facing)--K.2 tog., k. to last 2 sts., sl.1, k.1, p.s.s.o.

Next row--P. to last 2 sts., p 2 tog.

Rep. these 2 rows 7 times.

Continue to dec. at beg. of 4th row, right side facing for front seam, then dec. at back seam every 8th row until 148 sts. remain.

Next row--K.71, k.2 tog., k.2, sl.1, k.1, p.s.s.o., k.71.

Next row--Purl.

Continue to decrease on front and back seams and on the 2 sts. in centre on every 4th row until 125 sts. remain.

Shape depth at Back.

Next row (wrong side facing)--P. to 27 sts., from end, turn and k. back.
P.47, turn and k. back.
P.67, turn and k. back.
P.87, turn and k. back.
P.107, turn and k. back.
Change to No. 12 needles and k.1, p.1 rib for 2 ins. (24 rounds).
Cast off in rib.
Work another leg to match, reversing shaping.

To Make Up. Join half-shaped part to seam edge. Now join both legs together. Press well under a damp cloth and warm iron. Run round elastic through ribbing on inside of waist, picking up one side only of each k. st. Several rows of elastic should be inserted for strength. If flat elastic is used it is sewn to the wrong side of the ribbing with herringbone stitch, worked over the unstretched elastic. The ribbing should be stretched during the sewing.

Look, She's Moving!

2007-06-02T18:31:00.000-05:00

I'm sorta moving. Not the whole damned blog, just the bit that doesn't have patterns on it. I thnk I'm just moving next door.

Don't even act like any of you haven't moved a blog.

Makes no sense, does it? OK, I've hated the name "Vintage Stitch-O-Rama" probably since about a week after I started this thing. It was meant to be a kitchy 1950's chrome-and-formica kinda name. So how many 1950's patterns have I posted? Not hardly any. See, I'm so annoyed with myself that I threw my grammar right the hell out the window.

So I'm leaving the patterns and old posts here and I'll keep posting patterns here but all project photos, rambling and cursing, Dalek porn, and anything else will be at The Omnigraphic Blogopticon. All three of you guys move your links over. I'll put up links in the new blog to any patterns I post so you won't have to keep running back and forth to see if there's a new pattern or not.

I've been wanting to put all the patterns in one place anyhow. I eventually want to put them in PDF files so they're easier to download & print.

Yes, the title is all Monty Burns on purpose. I think one of you guys figured it out when I made the last sad attempt at a Blogopticon logo a few months back. It's meant to sound like an addled old person who's gotten a bit overwhelmed by technology. Like myself.

*groan*

Sev's Book Club

2007-06-01T23:15:00.000-05:00

I've been meaning to post a selection from a book in my collection, Social Abominations, published in the 1880's. This wonderfully subtle book warns us against the pitfalls of Swearing and Cursing, Clandestine Marriages, Hypnotism in Relation to Crime, The Dance, and Whisperers. Gotta watch out for those Whisperers--they'll lead you to Hell in a heartbeat.

I also expect you'll have to watch out for voyeristic cherubs with opera glasses like the little bastard on the cover. He's clearly attempting to stop the canoodling couple on the cover from holding hands too long or Whispering or some such.

Have a go at this little tidbit of The Dance:

The conditions of the ball-room, with its gay company, its elegant robes, its exciting music, and whirling movements are caclulated to arouse to its highest pitch every sense of the body, and as the circling of the waltz proceeds, as hand clasps hand, arm encircles waist, the hot breath of each reaches the other, heart beats to heart, and eye responds to eye, as they move onward in the giddy and exciting maze, under the stirring notes of the music and sometimes the exhilarations of the wine cup, the dancers are, to say the least, not under the holiest possible moral influences, and soon, getting beyond their own judgement, some at least will go whirling on in the "dance of death."

I'm confused. Wasn't there an old hardcore song called "Dance of Death"?

I don't know about you but I think I want to try some of this waltzing jazz. Sounds like more action than I've had in a while. Just so long as there isn't some half-naked cherub in a winding sheet spying on the proceedings.

Next time: J. Harvey Kellog's infamous Plain Facts For Old and Young

Into the Catacombs

2007-06-01T21:01:00.000-05:00

While I was doing laundry in the basement of my apartment building deep below the earth, I spied a curious item in the antechamber of its cavernous depths.

What was it? Was this perhaps a map leading to some ancient treasure hidden in this building's depths? A clue to some secret world-wide conspiracy? What secrets do this seemingly ordinary piece of cardboard hold? Oh, if I only held the key!

Damn creepy, if I may say so myself. Who knows what the hell people sacrifice to this makeshift, rattletrap altar. I may never do laundry at night ever again.

Luncheon Date Hat, 1940's

2007-06-01T19:54:00.001-05:00

Luncheon Date Hat
Gloves, Socks and Caps

d.c. = double crochet (US single crochet)
ch. = chain

Materials: 2 skeins thick green kniting cotton, 1 skein thick brown knitting cotton, 1 No. 12 crochet hook, hat wire

Tension of Crochet: 4 d.c. to 1 inch

Use cotton double throughout.
With green cotton make 4 ch., join into a ring with a slip stitch. Work 8 d.c. into ring.
1st rd-*1 d.c., 2 d.c. in next st., repeat from * to end.
2nd rd-*3 d.c. on 3 d.c., 2 d.c. in next st., repeat from * to end.
3rd rd- * 4 d.c. on 4 d.c., 2 d.c. in next st., repeat from * to end.
4th rd-*5 d.c. on 5 d.c., 2 d.c. in next st., repeat from * to end.
5th rd-* 6 d.c. on 6 d.c., 2 d.c. in next st., repeat from * to end.
6th rd-*7 d.c. on 7 d.c., 2 d.c. in next st., repeat from * to end.
7th rd-*8 d.c. on 8 d.c., 2 d.c. in next st., repeat from * to end.
Continue to inc. in this manner til 11 rds. have been worked. Work 5 rds. without shaping.
Next rd-*6 d.c. on 6 d.c., miss 1 d.c., 1 d.c. in next st., repeat from * til 2 remain, 2 d.c. on 2 d.c.
Work 6 rds. without shaping.
Next rd-Work 2 d.c. in each st.
Work 7 rds. without shaping.
Next rd-Hold a length of hat wire on the edge of brim, and work 1 rd. of d.c. over it.
Break off green cotton and join in brown.
Work 1 rd. of d.c.
Fasten off.
Trimming:
With brown cotton make 4 ch., join into ring with a slip st.
Work 5 d.c. into ring.
Work 4 rds. of d.c., working 2 d.c. in 1 d.c. where necessary to keep circle flat.
Break off brown cotton, join in green, and using it single work 1 rd. of d.c..
Fasten off.
Make 8 circles in all.
To make up:
Run a piece of hat wire round the edge of crown, on the inside.
Sew trimmings to hat.

Adding to the Things-To-Knit List

2007-06-01T18:28:00.000-05:00

A conspiracy is afoot! I fear due to the combined efforts of Obsidian Kitten and Little Black Crow I will never leave the house again. You've heard tell of the vintage patterns and spinning fibers previously sent by those two--now Black Crow has struck again! At this rate I'll be knitting and/or spinning yarn for at least 27 hours out of the day 'til perhaps the end of time.

Looky here what arrived from Tasmania this past week, sans the chocolate that mysteriously disappeared soon after the box was opened. That stuff got feet, lemme tell ya. She did make sure she told me not to lick the soap, since it looks edible. Mmmm, handmade soap...

See, we got another one of her snazzy pincushions (the beads say RIP), some Lanscapes dye in Bloodwood (she knew I was completely out of that color), six balls of black Jo Sharp cotton, some red wool roving to go on my To-Spin List, a bar of coffin-shaped soap from www.alchemic-dragon.com, two disks from www.vintage-crochet-patterns.com and www.vintage-knitting-patterns.com, and two more vintage pattern books of gloves & hats. The mysterious rolled-up thing with the bat print fabric is a really cool knitting needle case she made, complete with a few pairs of funny old plastic needles she'd found and a pair of embroidery scissors. She says the bats match my last tattoo.

I've been curious about Naughty Needles but I always forgot to skim through it any time I was at the bookstore and the website didn't show me enough of the really cool patterns. My new favorite knitting book! So yeah, there are about seven or eight patterns to go on my already lengthy To-Do List. I'll be knitting the garterbelt first, of course. I can't have enough of those. I don't have any leather thong lying around to knit the flogger, though, but that could change. Disobey Madame at your peril!

See, she knew the Victorian mitts I'd made last fall out of the ever-vile Red Heart Luster-Sheen (Hey, it was a practice pair, OK!) weren't warm at all so she knitted me some very nice woolly mitts. I've been considering spinning up the light grey alpaca she sent in the last box and knitting another pair but now that I've got these I may use the alpaca for another project. Look in the upper right-hand corner and you'll spy a Disgruntled Beastie. See how I've shrunken him down to Tootsie Roll size. Couldn't shrink his voice, though. No sir.

I forgot to photograph the nice little roll of 1940s undies patterns she Xeroxed out of a book for me--they were being flattened under a stack of heavy books. The caption says "Two pieces to solve the underwear problem." So was there a shortage of knickers Australia during WW II? Those dandy French knickers on the right are on the To-Do List as well. I've got some very bright, very slinky red rayon that might do the trick...

Here's a very special hat picked out by Black Crow just for me! I am totally posting that pattern. I picture it in black with red flowers. It'll be perfect for when I stuff Toto in a basket and ride off on my bike. You know I've been a little cranky since Dorothy dropped that house on my sister.

Shhh, don't anyone mention that I'm packing up a really really special box to send her.

I Knew Something Was Dreadfully Wrong

2007-05-17T21:58:00.000-05:00

I listen to Devo, can work a Rubic's cube, and built my previous two computers. Uhhh, why am I still single?

Blood, Guts and A Skirt

2007-05-17T18:21:00.000-05:00

I got batteries for my camera today and so I thought it was high time I inflicted some bad art and half-assed projects on everyone. Oh quit whining!

The first pic is an old tile piece I did a couple of years ago. It photographed like crap, mostly because it hangs in my bathroom and the lighting in there sucks.

It's made of terra-cotta tiles that I scratched Victorian medical engraving images into with a pin while the clay was still soft. The center figure, the opened torso, the leg, and the veiny head are three-dimensional. I painted the tiles in colored slip and fired them, then wiped black slip into the engraved lines and coated it all in clear glaze and fired them again.

It's intended to look like some horrible old doctor's office display piece. I've been hunting for a beat-up old frame that I could cut down to fit it and I kinda want to put strips of something to cover up the ugly grout/glue combo between the tiles. It measures 16" x 21" and weighs about 75 pounds, or maybe just 20 pounds but it seems like 75.

I've been wanting to do the same thing with PMC to make jewelery but I haven't found the right images yet that would work in a smaller scale. That's my weekend project, and it gives me yet one more chance to set fire to the apartment with my little beehive kiln.

Keeping with the icky innards theme, the same semester I did the medical tiles I made this charming little sterling silver necklace. Yup, it's a gross anatomical heart, all three-dimensional and it's got veins on the back and stuff.

Heavy, solid sterling, cast from scrap and broken jewelery. I hate the chain but I haven't thus far found a substitute I'm happy with. I had considered drilling three teeny holes in a line up the center and gypsy-setting some microscopic rubies but I never got around to it.

I wear the fool thing a lot in clubs but I've never had anyone ask about it, so that probably means everyone thinks I bought it at some suck-ass place like Hot Topic.

Feh.

The last item up for mockery is a half-assed skirt knitted on my 1960's Brother 550 knitting machine. No pattern, since it was a practice piece. I assumed I'd remember how I made it so I just have a couple scribbled numbers. Of course I didn't remember how I made it.

All I can say is that the gauge is 7 sts and 10 rows per inch and I cast on 164 sts for the front and back pieces. I failed to write down the tension number for my machine, could be 3 or 4. Maybe not. Different brands of machines used different tension dial numbers so any instructions I write for a Brother might not work for another brand so either way you'd have to do a buttload of gauge swatches. It measures 19" from the bottom to just where the waist ribbing starts but I also have no idea how many rows the pieces are. I wrote that down too, but I must have lost it or eaten it or something.

The lace flower at the bottom is a variation of the Tulip Border from Barbara Walker's Second Treasury of Knitting Patterns.

It's several inches too big making it just frumpy enough that it only looks good with a big sweater. It's knitted out of Red Heart Lustre-Sheen or some such crap that I got from a fairly nasty sweater I had crocheted in the 1980's and mercilessly frogged, so it collects cat hair like a magnet. I'm considering calling it the "Swiffer Skirt," putting the thing on and using my ass to dust my apartment.

The second (jiggly) photo shows the cute little lace flower at the bottom right hem and several handfuls of cat hair. I don't have a ribber attachment for my knitting machine so the bottom has a mock rib but the top was a rib done on regular US size 2 single-pointed needles.

I want to re-do this but I'll either make the skirt tighter (like I intended originally) or I'll decrease stitches on the way up to the top so it's more A-line.

Ahhh, Tedium and Ennui!

2007-05-14T18:58:00.000-05:00

I've been so wrapped up in ennui recently that I couldn't be bothered to fix last.fm or notice that Blogrolling had keeled over and died on me. Nothing new, since it usually seemed to die every week or so anyhow. So I went with blogLinx after dumping my blogroll. (Was it meant to sound like "bog roll" or am I just overly concerned with toilet paper today?) I'll probably get all pissed off with the flashy new last.fm widget and dump it for the old-style non-blinky version.

Whatever.

And shame on you all for not realizing that Lady Pokingham was a character from the serialized Victorian porn novel Lady Pokingham, Or They All Do It, Giving an Account of her Luxurious Adventures, both before and after her Marriage with Lord Crim-Con, published between July 1879 and September 1880.

Floggings all round, then.

Gentleman's Knickerbocker Stocking

2007-05-14T16:59:00.000-05:00

This a pair of pretty generic men's stockings. I'm guessing that since there's a 5" section of "plain knitting" (stockinette) directly under the 1" of ribbing that these must be the type of stocking that went over the knee, then the knickerbockers buttoned below the knee over top of the stocking. The type that folds over usually has about 4"-5" of ribbing.

I've also seen gray mixed yarn referred to as "knickerbocker yarn" but that might just be that gray mixed yarn was a popular color for knickerbocker stockings. Hard to say.

This is the largest size, suitable for a gentleman of six feet in height.

Materials: Gray mixed yarn

Directions:

Cast on 112, 37 on two pins and 38 on the third pin.

Rib for about an inch by doing 1 plain and 1 pearl, remembering to have the first stitch on the first needle as the seam-stitch. You make this by working it plain in two successive rounds and pearling it in the next.

Then do plain knitting for 5 inches.

You now begin to rib as follows: Knit or pearl the seam-stitch, knit 3 and pearl 1. Continue to knit 3 and pearl 1 every row until 12.5 inches are done.

Then begin to decrease every eight rows. You decrease on the right-hand side of the seam-stitch by slipping a stitch, knit 1, pass the slipped stitch over. (If the stitch to be slipped happens to be a pearl stitch you must not slip it but merely pearl two together on both sides.) Work the seam-stitch and knit two together. You will thus decrease 16 stitches, and now 16.5 inches ought to be done.

Then knit five more inches. You ought now to have 94 stitches for the ankle and divide for the heel. [See notes on sock shaping.] As this is a large size you must make the flap 3.5 long, always slipping the first stitch.

When you have turned the heel you must take up 21 stitches and decrease for the instep at first every row, and the last 6 decreasings do every other row until you have only 92 stitches.
When 9 inches of the foot are done (measuring the whole of the heel as well) you begin to decrease for the toe, which takes up two more inches; you then cast off and sew up the toe on the wrong side.

The Lady's Book of Knitting, 1886.

Young Ladies Gone Wild

2007-05-14T12:05:00.000-05:00

A young lady of my aquaintance, who attends Lady Pokingham's Academy For Young Ladies, invited me to their end-of-term party but alas, I was struggling with my rather tedious school projects. I could have used a break but the final class was only two days away. There was no time for sleep, much less an end-of-term party, so I had to decline her invitation.

There was tea and cucumber sandwiches, cake and other light refreshments. Several of the young ladies played piano or flute, two sang a rather charming duet, and one of the chaparones read poetry. There were also selected readings intended to build character and were morally and spiritually uplifting as well.

Later, when the chaparones were distracted by an illicit poker game and a couple of bottles of Vin Vitae Tonic, the young ladies got quite rowdy. Someone spiked the punch with sherry from a flask secreted down someone's bust-improver, and so with much giggling quite a lot of cucumber got tossed about, pillows became missles, and hair was mussed.

Eventually one of the young ladies sneaked out the parlor window to contact a friend who was aquainted with a person who possibly had a neighbor who could get ahold of some off-season circus performers for quite a discount. These were eventually smuggled into the house under the bustles of the young lady and her friend long after the chaparones went to bed.

My aquaintance thoughtfully provided me with photographs and a description of the event, since I was otherwise disposed with my homework. Apparently the gentleman in the photograph provided some of the entertainment, in which the young ladies eagerly participated. There were feats of strength and endurance, acrobatics and contortions of the body, juggling, and mustache rides.

I'm quite sure I don't know what that means.

School's Out and Spazzy Dancing Ensues

2007-05-14T11:14:00.000-05:00

My crummy spring semester ended on Wednesday and I've just woken up from a well-deserved four day nap. What's happened since my last post? Not freakin' much, lemme tell ya.

The Queen landed here at the Stinktown International Airport on the 3rd, which was also my birthday. Coincidence? I think not! Except the old girl completely forgot to come by for tea--I would have even let her use my Star Trek mug. I washed it and everything. I expect she was too busy changing hats and shaking hands with the unwashed masses. And don't even try and tell me she couldn't have walked the 10 blocks to my apartment.

Then there was the lukewarm end-of-term critique of items I wasn't exactly enamored of. School has become both tedious and expensive.

Grumble.

I've got three new things I need to photograph and I also need to decipher my scribbled pattern notes so's I can post the little bastards. There's the machine-knit Eperimental Frumpy Skirt, a pair of fancy-ass gloves knit on size 00 dpns, and a pair of Moonflower Kneesocks. There also seems to be a pair of gauntlet gloves and some lace mitts shreiking to be put on the needles so that makes two more new thingies to go up later. There's also a machine-knitted suit with a bustle-style jacket that I've been sketching and pondering, so who knows what I'll wind up with this summer.

I've also got a handful of vintage patterns that I need to scan and post. We have a frightening swan bonbon dish and crocheted nightgown yoke from 1916, a short sleeved lace pullover from the late 40's, and a beaded choker from about 1915.

No progress whatsoever on my UFO pile. I'm bored to death with school so therefore everything in my apartment bores me as well. Yeah, this means you, filthy orange cat!

Ehhh, I'll get over it. Then there's my new zepplin to inflate for the first step in World Domination (shhh, don't tell!) and another planned moon mission. I'll probably leave the Cat Bastard at home this time, since he was the one that practically started an intergalactic war with Moon Men.

With all that stuff planned it's no wonder I've been bored as hell with school.

Who's the Menace?

2007-04-25T21:46:00.000-05:00

Take a perfectly innocent caption from a Marmaduke strip and slap it under a fairly ordinary Dennis the Menace cartoon and suddenly Grampa's a perv.

Alltogether Ooky

2007-04-25T21:29:00.000-05:00

Not An Experiment

2007-04-25T21:06:00.000-05:00

This little abomination was made way back in the olden days of 1994 with scissors and paste. I guess this shows I had no life then either, just free access to a copy machine.

Blehhhh

2007-04-24T17:22:00.000-05:00

Ahhh, Stinktown-on-the-James!

As I ventured out of the house to catch an omnibus to work I was assaulted by a veritable carnival of smells--and it's not even summer yet for Jah's sake. We don't tend to start really reeking until about July. July is when they delicately scent the city with a charming pork 'n' beans aroma. My tax dollars at work.

Not so this morning. Oh we had the usual early-morning exhaust fumes and that mysterious wee smell, but this was different. This was a deadly cabbage/sewage/fart combo which I hoped to holy hell didn't come barreling out of the backside of some living human being. If so, they were in dire need of medical help. I also think I detected a hint of brimstone in there.

My stomach still being a tad delicate wasn't exactly ready for this affront. I did manage to not hurl on any bus passengers or anyone at work, but I had a double handful of ye olde Tums from the medicine cabinet once I arrived.

Oh, and I am officially tired of food poisoning so I've decided I had cholera. No reason, except it sounds a bit more exotic than getting ahold of bad Mexican chicken.

You ever just invent something for no good reason? This is the final sketch for my new vehicle. I had to come up with something since hobos stole my rocketship and sold it for scrap, so rather than revisit the moon I've decided to travel by rail for a bit. I've even got room for extra provisions.

Sweet Fancy Moses

2007-04-23T19:36:00.000-05:00

Gawd. I've had food poisoning. How'da hell that happen? Let's see, we'll stoke the boiler and climb aboard my handy-dandy Wayback Machine and see, shall we?

This last weekend was RavenCon, a little nerd shindig that involved my brother coming up to stay for a couple days to bitch and moan about everything and to annoy my cat, and getting to hang around with Sherri & Jay. I apparently bought two books I kinda really didn't want (two books for the price of two!) and groped not a single geek-boy. My brother and I also thought RavenCon was next weekend so I had no embarassing getup to wander around in. It really didn't matter since this year was Pirate Year and I'm dreadfully bored by the whole pirate thing. Or at least pudgy guys dressed like pirates with Keith Richards eyeliner who are pointedly not Johnny Depp. That's just freakin' wrong and sooo last Halloween. At least none of them had fake parrots.

When the show was done we all piled up in a van and went to a normally very nice (and nameless) ethnic resturaunt near the airport. Said nice ethnic resturaunt had a fighter jet painted on the ceiling, inexplicably firing rockets at Popocatepetl. It made no real sense because the airport isn't military. Anyhow, the food was great, as it usually is at this place, or at least at the other two locations I'd eaten at. I now refuse to vouch for this one.

But great food going down ain't no guarantee it's gonna be any good coming back up, especially after it's been fermenting away down there for about 12 hours. Tasty.

I spent the entire night willing myself to not barf. I'd doze, wake up with what felt like a kick in the diaphragm, say some kinda "don't puke" mantra, then go back to sleep for a bit. I eventually lost the battle about 7:50am Sunday morning after the cat had stomped across my stomach for the nth time, and forcibly expelled everything I had eaten for at least the past three days. I think my insides are permanently turned inside-out and I wasn't exactly pleased with having to kneel in the cat litter strewn around the toilet.

I ate nothing all day Sunday, mostly because of the meat grinder in my gut, well nothing except for an entire large-sized container of Tums EX. I pretty much spent the whole day curled in a fetal position waiting for death but the sonofabitch didn't show.

My brother? I heard the bastard merrily chomping Pringles before I staggered off to jam my head down the toilet. I also had the joy of watching him snarf down some smelly frozen pasta dish while my innards griped and swirled.

Monday, I've sort of spent stretched out on the sofa hoping the cat will stay the hell off me. I finally ate a slice of toast a couple hours ago but it tasted like ass. Truly, this has got to be what ass tastes like. If somebody does some research and tells me that no, this isn't what ass tastes like I will hit them really really hard.

Of course my freezer is filled with all manner of raw chicken parts and the cabinets are crammed with Indian sauces and such, none of which sound even remotely appetizing right at the moment.

I truly think I shall never eat anything ever again.

Muhuhahahaaaa-cough-cough-cough!

2007-04-09T08:57:00.000-05:00

Yeah, see the sad state Moon Flu has me reduced to, gallavanting around in antique safety goggles. I've been obsessed with old copper, brass, wood, glass & leather for years, since I was a kid. I like to touch old stuff and I even really get into the smell of old stuff. Watch me in an antique store huffing the old telephones and radios sometime.

This photo is a sad attempt at looking all mad-scientist-like. I found the goggles at the Goodwill about ten years ago and had been intending for at least a month to use them in some pictures, since they're damn snazzy. I hadn't dragged them out before because goggles just scream "Cyber-Goth" and I can't stand the whole plastic & neon bright colored raver-looking crapola. Plastic is way too disposable and cheap-ass to me.

Ya see these bad boys have wooden eyepieces, there's metal vents riveted on the sides and the glass lenses have metal rims that unscrew so the glass can be replaced. The nose piece is a ball chain covered with rubber tubing and can be adjusted. Unfortunately the cotton strap has dry-rotted but I can save the brass end caps and the buckle and scrounge up a new strap. It'll have to be dyed, maybe with strong tea to get the original color.

Throw some antique wooden goggles on with a corset and those big goofy gauntlet gloves, maybe some jet beads & brass doodads and you get the feeling that maybe I've just been tooling around town in a steam-powered conveyance of some sort and maybe was up for a ride around the world in an airship, with perhaps some Mad Scientist World Domination thrown in for good measure.

Maybe.

Or I just wind up looking like the cover of a 1970's DEVO album.

Curses! Defeated by my very own nerdiness.

Cool Stuff and Another Fever Dream Inferno

2007-04-09T08:16:00.000-05:00

A few days ago, in the worst of my fevered delerium, a slim package arrived in my mailbox from Miss O'Kitten and I haven't been at all well enough to post about it. But then I'm never, ever at all well and I post stuff anyway.

Despite many threats to send me something wet & sticky, or pointed & rusty (inserted firmly in my backside), I found the envelope to be completely lacking in both. Damn!

Instead I found oodles of vintage patterns thingies. We have the charming postcard to the left--I'm a bit curious about just what the heck is going on there--and Glossilla Corde Bags and Acessories (1940s), and Royal Society Crochet Lessons, vol. 1, no. 8 (1918).

There's patterns in both that are just itchin' to be scanned and posted, including a really "special" crocheted swan lamp, but will have to wait until I can actually focus on printed pages. Damn this Moon Flu!

Last night's Fever Dream Inferno involved many hours of pulling handfulls of thumbtacks out of the walls of what was eventually going to be a new art gallery. Different colored thumbtacks, pushpins, the occasional nail, for hours it seemed. I'd wind up with literally handfulls of the damned things.

Later, I paid a visit to Miss O'Kitten's farm and helped her gather eggs from these teeny little chickens. Every morning we'd gather several dozen eggs from six little pigeon-sized chickens and they'd be up in the branches of shrubs and stuff. If you didn't find the eggs they hatched in like three days and when they hatched the chicks were all yellow and fluffy instead of wet & gross like fresh-hatched chickens normally are. It seems the hens would peck an airhole in the eggshells and that would let the chick dry out before it finally burst from the shell the next day. Sometimes you could see the chicks through the shells, just chilling out in there.

These chickens would sleep stacked up on top of each other so she didn't think it was worthwhile to make a chicken coop sinced they stored so easily on their own.

She also had a houseguest from Norway who was living in her shed and had brought his dog that looked exactly like a sheep. Some rare breed that he was an expert in and had written books about. The dog went missing and died and I think somebody made a rug out of him. I think.

Then there was some convoluted business about having to catch a bus for work after gathering the eggs every morning but I kept missing the bus or I never had enough purple transparent plastic quarters for the fare. They guy from Norway was trying to help me get to the bus in the rain but kept making me late by trying to find an umbrella or telling me about his lettuces.

It seems I worked restoring these giant stained-glass windows in a massive old church and if I didn't show up that day no work could get done so I was on the verge of being fired for three days straight. The days I showed up there was never anything to do but some crap job I hated.

I think I was tring to catch a bus in the thumbtack dream as well.

No wonder I've been so exhausted this week.

Fever Dreams Rule (pumps air with sweaty fist)

2007-04-08T19:07:00.000-05:00

I just remembered some of the quite long-winded fever dreams I had last night. Of course I'm going to tell you all about them. Stop whining or I'll post more Dalek porn, then you'll really have something to whine about.

Damn, I love wasting me some bandwidth.

One involved being at my parents house during the weekend the last Harry Potter book comes out so rather than doing what I usually do--pre ordering the thing months in advance and making Fed Ex deliver it to my job on the Saturday after the big party, I went straight to the bookstore for it. There were stacks of books everywhere so you could barely get to the counter. They had white covers with a cartoon elf (I think from that elf cartoon they sometimes watch on The Simpsons) and they were about the size of a VW Beetle. When I got to the counter the guy wouldn't wait on me because he needed change for his register and I kept protesting that I was going to use my debit card and it didn't matter if he had change but he thrust this ten dollar bill at me and told me to find him some change.

Demanded it, actually.

I wound up at the store's office where these two giggly ladies with 1980s blond perms gave me change for every dollar bill rather than rolls of quarters & such. Three quarters, two dimes & a nickle, then two quarters, some dimes, nickels and pennies, and so on. That went on for quite a while before I wound up back in the kitchen while my mother was making a pie. I think my brother had a shoebox of rubber snakes.

I never did get my fucking Harry Potter book.

The second dream involved being in a superhero comic book, which is odd because I never read superhero comic books. I preferred stuff like Sgt. Fury & His Howling Commandos, Weird War, Plop, and old Mad magazines. I could care less what some dink in tights and a cape was doing.

If he was in a cape and tights whatever he was doing couldn't be at all good or wholesome.

Anyhoo, there was a really freezing cold ice guy with an ice cube head and a flaming hot fire guy with a flame head and they were supposed to battle this evil scientist or something. I never found out why he was so evil but he did have a lab coat and a goatee and that seems to be the uniform of the evil scientist so I guess it was inevitable.

In a sub-plot I went to a Japanese school for girls where I had to progress through these strange levels for absolutely no reason. One level was learning this dorky, simple-assed song which I had some real problems with, then the next one somehow involved a coloring book and a really tall ladder. I failed the second one miserably so I went back to see how the superhero battle was going.

Apparently there was this long-standing feud between the cold guy and the hot guy so they fought each other instead and they were both dead. I turned up just in time to see these little kids who were both reading the comic and wandering around in it. They were crying and everyone was pretty upset.

I kinda didn't care so I made some Kool-Aid and went home. God I hate Kool-Aid.

That's All I Need

2007-04-08T17:15:00.000-05:00

I've just discovered that the Long-Leggity Beastie has aquired the power of invisibility. That's the last time I take the little orange bastard on an expedition to the Moon.

And here he is playing Knit Pattern Critic.

"You know that lace isn't going to work!"

"Yes it will."
"No it will not."

"You're a freakin' cat, you can't even knit because you don't have thumbs!"

"Mocking my physical disabilities won't make that lace pattern work any better."

"Grrrrr!"

The lace didn't work. Little orange bastard.

Spring Break, part 2

2007-04-07T16:55:00.000-05:00

For anyone who was wondering what else went on up there on the moon, as revenge for my damned cat assistant shooting at them for no real reason, the Moon Men coughed on the door handle of my Wonderous Space Projectile. Those bastards gave me Moon Flu! They marched right up to the door handle while we were skulking behind some rocks and coughed up a loogie smack on the handle. I even used the cat to wipe it off but those Moon Germs are pretty contageous. I was coughing up phlegm before we even landed back on Earth.

So for the past week I've been hacking and snorting, sleeping 12-15 hours a day and having some hellacious fever dreams. My boss banished me from the workplace one afternoon, since no-one there had any interest in my Moon Germs, no matter how exotic they were.

Feh.

On to other pointless, rambling subjects.

On the left: a Victorian porn thumbnail. Get clickin' on it. Tab A does insert into Slot B, no matter what year it is.

See, even Teddy Roosevelt is gettin' some in my blog. The teachers kinda explained "Rough Riders" a bit differently in history class.

And no, it wasn't a part of the Spring Break festivities on the moon. If it was, do you think I'd have let my cat shoot at Moon Men and piss them off?

In case you gals thought guys must've been great lovers back in the day, take a look at this 1906 ad for a massager. They even claim it removes wrinkles like those "facial massager" ads you used to see. If you're thinking that massager can't possibly be what you think it is, read The Technology of Orgasm, by Rachel P. Maines. I found the engraving for George Taylor's 1860s "steam-powered Manipulator" pretty amusing. I was also pretty pleased to find my very own vibrator ad in my magazine collection.

The ad says if you are not thoroughly satisfied it's guaranteed by the bank, though I don't know if the bank would be the first place I'd go to complain about a vibrator just not being powerful enough.

A prim Edwardian lady totters into the bank, American Vibrator in hand. When she gets up to the window she slams it dramatically onto the counter and shreiks, "Turbo-charge this motherfucker!"

American Vibrator Company, New Idea Woman's Magazine, June 1906.

Stay Away From the Raisins

2007-04-07T15:21:00.000-05:00

While I was perusing my boxes of floppy disks I should toss out I found the utterly charming candy on the left. I'm wishing I'd found it way the hell back in Feb. when all that sickening Valentine's rubbish was floating around. It's sort of the sentiment I feel every Valentine's Day.

It's the sorta thing I'd love to have printed up to present to my nearest and dearest, whoever the hell they tend to be. I could even just hand them out in clubs to random guys. It would save loads of time and money in the end, and we could just cut to the chase and end up with a crying guy, rather than go through the trouble of arguing, breaking all his stuff, restraining orders, lawsuits--then still wind up with a crying guy. See, when you think I'm just being a cheap, evil bitch I'm really just being practical.

On to Easter. I think that's the holiday when Jebus rolls back the rock from his tomb, sees his shadow and we have six more weeks of winter. (pause) You think I'm going to Hell? I've already bought lakefront property there. Next time tell me something I don't know.

This cute little guy here on the left is the reason I was rummaging around in dusty old floppy disks. It's the Easter Bunny, all ready to lay yummy chocolate eggs in your Easter basket! Isn't he sweet? The tentacles around his mouth make him look a bit like Cthulu. He's also got cloven hooves. Don't get me started on the eyes. The eyes!!!

Remember, the Easter Bunny knows where you live. Sometime tonight he'll break into your house and leave a basket full of goodies--for no real reason that I can figure out. I think good little kids get chocolate and he just takes a big ol' steaming dump in the baskets of bad little kids. I'd be a bit wary of eating any chocolate-covered raisins you find piled up in your basket sans wrapper tomorrow morning.

So what's the deal with Easter anyhow? There's some guff about mutant rabbits that lay chocolate eggs that hatch into Marshmallow Peeps. People buy stupid frilly hats and wander around wearing them in public. Parents dress their kids up like complete dorks and drag them to church. Dozens of helpless eggs get boiled, painted, kicked around in the yard, then thown in the trash. Seems a bit pointless if you ask me.

Personally, I stay home and wait for it all to blow over, then on Monday morning the Cadbury's Creme Eggs are half price.

Spring Break, part 1

2007-03-19T19:00:00.000-05:00

Ahh, Spring Break, that wonderful, special time of year wherein university students travel far from their birthplaces to spend an entire week spawning and vomiting copiously. I tend to stay here in town and either move to other apartments or work my ass off on school projects since I'd rather not waste money on a trip this time of year just to be surrounded thundering herds of drunken ho-bags. You couldn't pay me to sit on any barstools they've been stuck to.

This year was different. This year I completed my wonderous project!

I'd been secretly riveting iron plates together in my living room for my top secret Space Projectile (and the giant gun barrel to fire it into space) for quite a while. I had been quietly dragging the pieces, provisions, and fuel out to the park with my bike in the dead of night and covering them with leaves so I could later assemble them on site. This past weekend all was assembled, packed and fueled just in time for the moon to be in the optimum position for a launch.

Excellleeeent.

I attired myself and Damien, my cat assistant, in protective leather garments and dark goggles and taught him to fire a small pistol--who knows what sort of moon creatures we would encounter! I packed enough food and water for ten days, since I knew I had to return to my lowly Earth studies at the end of that time. There was also a box of knitting, a dog-eared copy of The Pearl, and some Doritos.

The launch was uneventful, save for the inadvertant scorching of several napping hobos, and we sailed along through space at a terrific clip. I soon became bored with both the knitting and the Victorian porn and whiled away the long hours tying loose objects to the cat.

Our landing was a bit rough, with Damien bouncing about the cabin like a marble in a can (I failed to strap him in his seat), and when we came to a stop we beheld a ghostly, cratered landscape. After the dust setteled I cranked open the door, which luckily wasn't on the side buried deep in the soil, and crept out into the light. Damien readied his pistol and kept watch at the rear.

"Look out!" he yowled, "There are Moon Men behind those rocks!" He fired off a couple of shots before I could stop him.

I was furious. This was meant to be a peaceful mission! "Damien, you jackass!" I shrieked. "Why can't you leave stuff the hell alone???" I aimed a kick, and as usual missed by a mile.

He shrugged, unconcerned. "Uhhh, I'm a cat. That's what we do." He played with a bit of loose stone.

Our argument was soon interrupted. The Moon Men shot back with incredible, fantastic weapons that appeared to concentrate beams of light. Unfortunately these beams melted rock so we high-tailed it for the nearest mountain range, hoping they would run out of light before we eventually ran out of mountain.

We were now at war with Moon Men!

To be continued.

Insert Flashy Title Here

2007-03-05T20:21:00.000-05:00

My brother's post about a dream he had of starting a business called Laxative Land made me remember a rather tedious dream I had a couple weeks ago. Of course I'm going to tell you all about it, since everyone who visits this blog has the right to suffer great amounts of hideous pain.

I'd bought the last Harry Potter book and it wound up being a long, drawn out affair where Voldemort was an old hobo in a tatty Nazi uniform and he ran afoul of Debra & Marie from Everybody Loves Raymond while they were redecorating an old cabin and they insulted him until he curled up and died. Then Harry covered him up with dead leaves.

Needless to say I woke up really disappointed in the book and felt all creepy for the rest of the day.

Reanimated Corpse

2007-03-05T12:13:00.000-05:00

Oh look, she's back! She's back and she's all done with the Damned Thing. It's been defeated, killed up real nice, and stuffed in an envelope all pretty for the AntiCraft girls to mock at their leisure. Thus far they haven't set fire to it and danced around the flames but they got plenty of time before their book goes to press.

Now that this deadline and one for The Fucking Catalog (a dreaded work deadline) are all done I can get back to bidness. Bidness meaning posting crap and actually (shudder in horror) visiting other blogs. "Wow!" you're thinking, "I get to make fun of Sev on my blog as well as hers!" See, I'm flexible and accomodating, which sadly does not explain my single status.

My textiles teacher will be thrilled that I now have real honest-to-Jah drawings in my sketchbook instead of "Why me?" and "I suck!" written on the pages in marker surrounded by slightly oily forehead prints from relentlessly pounding myself on the head with it. Getting a project done will also be another bonus.

On to stuff. Real knitted stuff!

Stop pointing and laughing. At least stop laughing; the pointing I can deal with.

Off to the left is the finished one-piece wool getup from the cover of Weldon's Pretty Undies. The odious color (It was the only thing I had enough of that wasn't white) and the buttoned crotch put me in mind of a Big Girl Onesie, but since it's meant to be under a sweater and wool skirt it's not too bad. I'll deal.

I had to knit it about 2 inches longer from the waist to the underarm and it seems strangely wide considering how sleek the cover photo is. I was afraid I'd run out of the blue wool so I used some white in the same blend. The pattern only came in one size, 34"-36" bust but this thing fits about a 42" chest and 46" behind, for no real reason except to possibly bug the living snot out of me. Right gauge, right needle size, giant underwear. Go figure. I was hoping for at least a 38"-40" chest and having it be a bit clingy and tight on top but the extra-roomy ass wasn't planned for at all. I'm guessing it has to do with the yarn being a sorta springy wool/nylon blend so it went a litle wide. Next time I'll try a US size 2 needle instead of a 3.

I'm thinking I'll try it in a slinky nylon or silk yarn sometime. I kinda want to try knitting just the bottoms in a slinky yarn, but without the crotch buttons.

This next exhibit is the 1885 Gentleman's Stocking that I've been fiddling with for several months off & on. I discovered that, yes, these things are meant to be worn above the knee and your knickerbockers are supposed to be buttoned on below the knee, but since I'm not gonna dress like that even if I had one of those giant old-timey bikes I had to stop a bit shorter than the pattern says. You can see that since the heel I've had to pick up several thousand more stitches for the gusset and as I try to decrease them they fall off the other needles, which is great barrels of fun when you're trying to do a plaid colorwork pattern at the same time. I'm using short dpns that I think are really meant for little crap like gloves, so these are going to be a royal pain in the ass to knit until I get a couple more inches along.

I found some of the tan yarn I was missing for the Body Count Mittens I've been pretending to work on. I had knitted this really half-assed stocking hat out of some random handspun years ago and I've never worn it because some of the yarn is pretty damned itchy. I'll frog it and use the yarn for other stuff but in the meantime I can start on mitten #2, since it's now way too warm to wear mittens. Go me! *does spazzy little dance*

No new progress on the Ribbed Blouse at the moment. I'm just all-fired happy I've got a few less things on my UFO pile.

Watch out for new lace patterns being scrawled up.

Damned Knitted Thing

2007-01-09T19:50:00.000-05:00

I have been informed that someone with entirely too much time on their hands has scanned the entire Codex Seraphinianus. Have a look, otherwise you'll have to do what I did and order your copy form the publisher in Italy and pay $250, or whatever the going rate is these days.

This will give you something to do while I wrestle with the deadline for this Damned Knitted Thing, which is not the Damned Thing of Charles Fort (mysteries unexplained by science and whatnot) but The Damned Thing of Ambrose Bierce, which no one can see but it'll hunt you down and chew chunks off you.

Oh yeah, you can't wait to knit that one, huh? "Mommy, it keeps biting me!" "Hush and keep knitting."

The cat is also a Damned Thing right at the moment, since he thinks he's invisible and I can type through him.

Six Stupid Things About Sev

2007-01-05T20:29:00.000-05:00

Yes, it's meme time again! I've been tagged by pinsandneedles but everyone I thought of tagging has long since been tagged. I think I may have done this one before but since I have the memory of a piece of wet cardboard I'll go ahead and do it again. But with new, improved, and more evil answers! Muhuhahahaaa!

Ahem.

OK, I lied about having six whole brand-spankin' new answers. I've used the first one and will continue to foam at the mouth about it forever more. Just be glad I didn't put down answer 1 six times.

1. I hate flip-flops. I especially think guys in flip-flops are gross because to me it implies that they a lot of time fooling around out in the sun so they get tanned and tans are icky. I still feel like running across four lanes of rush-hour traffic and yanking the flip-flops off the guy's feet and beating the snot out of him with a flip-flop in each hand. Don't even suggest that I wear a pair or you might have to find a proctologist to remove them from your nether orifice.

2. I never learned to swim. It was just too much trouble to get to the Y to take lessons plus in the Olden Days everyone and their grandma didn't have a damn swimming pool. I like water but since water is usually outside in the nasty sun I see no need to get out in it. The damn cool black 1950's bathing suit I have needs a new zipper anyhow.

3. Out of the 19 holes I have punched in my ears I did 15 of them with an ice cube and a big ol' safety pin in the 80's. My ears are just fine, thanks.

4. When I was a little kid my uncle made me a wooden rocking horse that had big, creepy eyes. The eyes scared me so much I immediately pulled them off. I had forgotten completely about the creepy creepy eyes until a couple of years ago when my mother was repainting the horse and dug up an old photo of it. I haven't slept well since.

5. I own over 1000 vinyl albums and play them a lot. Yeah, I know it's low-tech but I don't have a cellphone either. The computer I'm typing this on is run by steam.

6. I like bugs. I pick them up off the sidewalk and sometimes carry them to work. I'd never eat a bug (on purpose), despite pretty much being willing to eat everything else. I guess I just don't have a problem with tentacles.

You can all wake up now, the snooze-fest is over.

What Year Is It Now?

2007-01-01T20:05:00.000-05:00

I forgot to say Crappy New Whatever-Year-It-Is.

I've been furiously knitting on another pattern that somebody for some reason seems to want to pay me money for. Eventually someone will get wise to my crap and stop offering, but in the meantime I knit knit knit.

I've also been trying to decide whether I should knit some lace for the top of this corset. I made it three or four years ago and every time I wear it I wonder if I should have put on lace like on the pattern engraving. So I'd have to knit it in silk on itty-bitty needles and I've got some ribbon that matches the pink in the embroidery and I could thread that through it. I'll take another three years to finally decide, and by then I'll already have sewed a couple more of the damned things.

Not much of an update

2007-01-01T19:25:00.000-05:00

Less an update than a space-filler.

This is my version of the Gentleman's Stockings, made from yarn pillaged from two thrift-store sweaters. As you can see it's the very same photo I used the last time I showed them way back in November; I'd decided there was no point in retaking the pictures, considering I've done maybe three more rows since then.

Looky, they're just like the engraving! So far I haven't had to make any changes to the pattern. The size 0's I'm using correspond to the 14's the pattern calls for and I've tried on what I've knitted and they fit pretty nicely. I'll just have to keep an eye out to make sure the length is right before I start the heel. I may actually be the height of the average Victorian dude so I wouldn't be surprized if I followed the pattern right down to the toe with nary a change.

One day they'll grow up and be real, live kneesocks and I can wear them out in the street, much to the horror of everyone in Stinktown.

Gentleman's Stocking, 1885

2007-01-01T18:41:00.000-05:00

Gentleman's Stocking, 1885

Knitted in Scotch Plaid Pattern

Weldon's Practical Stocking Knitter, 1885

Plaid pattern is shown as a chart rather than the original lines of text.

Required, Scotch fingering wool of the best quality, 6 oz. of dark blue and 4 oz. of light grey, or blue and brown may be used, or grey with white, according to taste. Four steel knitting needles, No 14. (Modern US size 0)

Cast on with blue wool, 40 stitches on each of three needles, 120 stitches in all. Work in ribbing, 2 stitches plain and 2 stitches purl for 4 rounds.

5th round: Take the grey wool and work the same. Repeat these five rounds six times, or til you have done 7 grey lines; then do 4 more rounds with blue; and this completes the ribbing.

Now commence the pattern, beginning of course on the first needle; the stitch is plain throughout. Work pattern according to chart making white squares blue and black squares grey wool.

Repeat from the first pattern round until four whole patterns are accomplished; and also go on to do 4 rounds of the fifth pattern. In the 5th round of the fifth pattern, and also in the 12th and 19th rounds, decrease by knitting together the third and fourth stitches on the first needle and the third and second stitches from the end of the third needle; and as you decrease of course allow in succeeding rounds by omitting as necessary a few stitches of the pattern each side the seam stitch (the first stitch on the first needle), keep the two slanting stitches always in their right position and no mistake can occur. Decrease similarily in the 5th, 12th, and 19th rounds of each of the three next repitions of the pattern. And now you will have eight patterns knitted, 176 rounds, and the plaid pattern comes in evenly with 96 stitches in the round; work the length of two more patterns on the 96 stitches for the ankle, whick makes 10 diamonds in all for the length of the leg.

For the Heel, which is knitted entirely with blue wool--After completion of the last round of the pattern, knit with black wool 24 stitches off the first needle, slip the remaiing 4 stitches on to the second needle, and turn the work, slip the first stitch and purl 46 stitches, slip 20 stitches from the second needle on to the third needle which now has only 5 stitches upon it; you now have 49 stitches divided upon two needles for the instep, and 47 stitches all on one needle for the heel. Work a plain row and a purl rowforewards and backwards on the 47 heel stitches for 40 rows.

To Turn the Heel--Slip the first stitch, knit 25, slip 1, knit 1, pass the slipped stitch over, knit 1; turn, slip the first stitch, purl 6, purl 2 together, purl 1; turn, slip 1, knit 7, slip 1, knit 1, pass the slipped stitch over, knit 1; turn, slip 1 purl 8, purl 2 together, purl 1; tuern, slip 1 knit 9, slip 1, knit 1, pass the slipped stitch over, knit 1; turn, slip 1, purl 10, purl 2 together, purl 1, and continue thus widening the center and taking in the stitches each side, till all the side stitches are knitted in, and you get 27 stitches on the needle for the top of the heel, the last row being a purled row, and break off the wool.

For the Gussets--Pick up on one needle, and knit 26 stitches (alternately 1 stitch blue and 1 stitch grey)along the right-hand side of the heel flap, and on the same needle knit also 13stitches off the top of the heel; on a second needle knit (always 1 stitch blue and 1 stitch grey alternately) the remaining 14 stitches off the top of the heel,and pick up and knit 26 stitches along the opposite of the flap; on the third needle knit along the 49 instep stitches in pattern.

For the Foot--Work alternately 1 stitch with blue and one stitch with grey on the two footneedles, the stitch that is blue in one round to be grey in the next, decrease for the gussets every alternate round till reduced to 47 stitches on the two foot needles, and always knit the 49 instep stitches in pattern; continue till three whole patterns are done on the instep which makes the length required for the foot; or if for a tall man, and required longer, knit 4 or 5 rounds all plain with blue.

Then begin the Toe--which is all plain knitting with blue wool. Knit 5 plain rounds on the full complient of stitches, 96 stitches.
6th round--Knit 6, knit 2 together, and repeat the same all round. Knit 6 rounds plain on 84 stitches.
13th round--Knit 5, knit 2 together, and repeat the same. Knit 6 rounds plain on 72 stitches.
20th round--Knit 4, knit 2 together, and repeat. Knit 5 rounds plain on 60 stitches.
26th round--Knit 3, knit 2 together, and repeat. Knit 5 rounds plain on 48 stitches.
32nd round--Knit 2, knit 2 together, and repeat. Knit 4 rounds plain on 36 stitches.
40th round--Knit 2 together all round. Now 12 stitches on; break off the wool and threading the end in a darning needle, run the wool through the stitches and sew them up neatly.

Put Some Damn Clothes On!

2006-12-31T12:41:00.000-05:00

I see Cherie has put on her oh-so-sexy old lady knee-highs for the occasion and I might be wrong but I think Dina is buck-nekkid behind that gown she's holding. I'm sure they're both whispering about how fat Mitzi looks in her new underwear. Or maybe they're leaning in for a hot 'n' heavy make out session.

Do women really cavort around modelling their new underwear for each other or is this yet again some male fantasy, Grandma-style? The women I know only show each other our undies when they're still in the shopping bag and you can rest assured there's no giggly tickle-fight involved.

Unless the girl is really a guy, then that's different.

Chic Cherie, Dec 26, 1927

Dagnabbit!

2006-12-31T09:49:00.000-05:00

Pfffttttt! My Blogroll has been dead for a couple days and last.fm hasn't worked since before Christmas.

On top of that I've had the theme song from Friends stuck in my head for a couple days. I chase it away for a couple hours with a good song then I wake up with it capering around my head like some brain parasite.

I'd almost rather have the brain parasite.

makes rude gesture

2006-12-30T22:15:00.000-05:00

Grrr! I can't get the archives back the way they were. It's either the drop-down box OR the long damn list. They don't want me to have my nice section with seven or eight post titles, then the friggin' archive drop-down box.

At least I got rid of all those goddamned dots. Yes, I still wound up rummaging around in the HTML after all, since they don't have diddly-squat for interesting choices in the Blogger templates no matter what you do to them. Rearrange dull components and ya just get dull components in a different order.

So it looks almost exactly like I had it six months ago but done with a lot less enthusiasm.

Go team.

Disturbing Graphics

2006-12-30T21:09:00.004-05:00

No room! No room! Here's the old Disturbing Graphics list that was just running around loose on the old template.

Who's the Menace?

Princess Bust Developer

Men's Extra Size Rubber Nipples

Goat Love

Free Kitty

Bitch-Ass Pete Can't Win

Snappy the Flying Gator

Mabel's Muffin

Somebody Call Social Services

Sex Machine

Tooting on His Magic Flute

Remodelling

2006-12-30T18:07:00.000-05:00

After checking this blog on my brother's wood-burning PC over Xmas I discovered it looks like complete and total ass on every browser except Internet Explorer. I don't know why. I'd only taken a perfectly innocent template, rummaged around in the HTML, then simply duct-taped it all back together again. It should look completely gorgeous on everybody's browser, mainly because I said so.

So there.

If it starts to look all screwy for a day or so it's not because I've got an an infestation of vermin, it's because I've been screwing around with this new Blogger Beta crapola. The prospect of changing over to Blogger Beta and using their happy little toys strikes me as being as depressing as a Funky Winkerbean strip. OK, maybe not that depressing but you get the picture. I'm guessing they'll eventually force everyone to change over whether they like it or not so we'll all be one big happy family! Gaaah!

Please, won't someone load the entire cast of Funky Winkerbean on a train, catch it on fire, then derail it into a swamp full of alligators? No wait, I think that's next week's plot.

The World Is Quiet Here

2006-12-24T22:52:00.000-05:00

You know, you just can't go out tobogganning any more on a dark street in the middle of the night without some jackass running you into a ditch and driving back and forth over you a couple of times.

I hate when that happens.

Last-Minute Half-Assed Xmas Gifts

2006-12-17T14:59:00.000-05:00

It's less than a week 'til Christmas and I'll just bet you haven't done a damn thing handcrafted gift-wise. No? Me neither. Bah Humbug I say! I don't know about you but I'm getting ready to head out to the drugstore and buy up some Chia Pets and Halloween candy from the markdown bin and slap some bows on those suckers. I also haven't made the first decoration either, though I've been quite tempted by the Freaky Furry Star posted last year in Ho Ho Hell.

The Vintage Stitch-O-Rama provided a much-needed service last holiday season by posting crafty ideas for last-minute crap-making that pretty much guaranteed that you wouldn't have to give those same gift recipients anything this year. I'm guessing those lucky people have gotten restraining orders on your ass. If they haven't then you weren't trying hard enough, so you have a second chance to make somebody cry this year and all gifts are Certified Vintage!

It wouldn't be a Bad Vintage Craft Idea unless there were Racist Toys now, would it? Oddly enough like last year's Gifts For People You Don't Like Very Much there is an Eskimo and a Zulu plus the new addition of a couple of Injuns. In the spirit of racial harmony there's a little Honky Pirate included.

Mmmm! Grandma-In-A-Can! I don't know about you, but I've got a hankering for a hunka Canned Grandma. Microwave-safe and good for you! Maybe.

Racist Toys and Grandma-In-A-Can from McCall's Needlework & Crafts, Fall-Winter 1964-65

This perplexing little guy is very special. Special-Ed I might say. Not only is he wearing a hat with cat ears and a pom-pom he's also wearing what appears to be a bright orange diaper. I don't know how you'd explain little Special-Ed to some lucky child but so long as you make the kid feel really embarassed and uncomfortable it'll all work out in the end. That's what childhood is for.

This little short bus window-licker would make a perfect companion for last year's Spooky Nude Mono-Bosomed Doll but you'd have to explain very carefully just what he's not supposed to do to the Naked Lady.

McCall's Needlework & Crafts, Spring-Summer 1961

I like making jewelery for people but I don't make anything resembling the next two horrors since I actually like the people I tend to give jewelery to.

The bracelet to the left is alleged to be "Victorian-style" but only of the Victorians in question were completely insane and used jagged broken glass out of the garbage to decorate themselves. One of the inhabitants of Bedlam might have had this bracelet, but only for a few hours before it would be stolen by one of the other maniacs to slash the throat of a couple of the guards before making her escape. She'd roam the streets stark naked, covered in mud and leaves, and nannies would tell their charges if they didn't eat their vegetables they would wind up just like her, shreiking and writing bad words on shop windows in poop.

That's kinda what I see. I also see that the thing is made in lead. So make a couple for someone you'd like to see slowly poisoned. Promise to visit them in Bedlam.

McCall's again, Fall-Winter 1974-75

For that lucky someone who has been writing bad words in poop for a while now, like maybe your boss or your gym teacher, here's a cheery Crap Bear Pendant. It just screams out "I kinda hate you" doesn't it? It even looks at you as though it's harboring some deep, dark secret about you it might just tell to its other Crap Bear friends. They'd be whispering and giggling but when you walk into the room it suddenly goes dead quiet and they'll turn and stare at you like Mr. Bean.

Don't tell me it doesn't look like Mr. Bean. But at least it's not Goddamned Crocheted Hippie Boots. Save those for someone you really hate.

McCalls, Spring-Summer 1970

Say you have this boyfriend. Say he's a total fucktard. Say he keeps wondering why you never knit him anything special. Say you've never knitted him anything special because you're planning to dump his lousy ass and didn't want to waste the time on knitting him jack shit. Say you were planning to wait until after the holidays when things were a little less hectic and you wanted to see what he'd bought you.

The perfect gift for this perfect guy would be Strange Beachwear made from Aunt Lydia's Rug Yarn. This is the perfect alternative to the ubiquitous Boyfriend Sweater. So manly! So practical! And you know his grandma will want to borrow his Crocheted Poncho.

Remember this is made from acrylic rug yarn. That's just how much you love the guy.

McCall's, of course, Spring-Summer 1970.

Begin the Exchange!

2006-12-11T20:33:00.000-05:00

This is the story of my sad attempt at starting a Punk Rock Cat Exchange. I was hoping to get a much quieter, less troublesome kitty in the trade. So I procured a smallish box, labelled it, baited it with Fritos and then awaited the Orange Abomination.

I only had to wait a few minutes before my quarry was in position. Could I sneak up and tape the lid down before he made his escape?

Alas, he returned to his liquid form and zip! he was away.

Scalloped Filet Camisole Yoke, 1918(?)

2006-12-11T10:31:00.000-05:00

This is an example of those damned filet designs that consist of a photograph and barely any written instructions, much less a nice chart. Filet designs are usually workable from photos but if you haven't had much experience with increasing/decreasing to shape pieces then the scallops will be a challenge. They also don't give a chart for the monogram in the center, perhaps out of spite. The decorative doo-dads and the edging is nice, though, so maybe go make some doo-dads.

Oh, for some reason Blogger hasn't wanted to post a small picture that you can click on for the full-sized one like it usually does. I've been trying to get this bitch to post for over a week now. Hopefully the filet design is clear enough that it can be worked from the photo or be drawn on a piece of graph paper. If not, I can post a gridded version in a few days.

Scalloped Filet Design
Finished Yokes of Beauty, Book no. 6, by Anna Valerie, 1918(?)
No finished dimensions or hook size given.

Size 36 with 8 scallops. Made in No. 50 thread--requires 3 balls.

Start at upper point of scallop--Ch. 32, 9 meshes, follow design.
Upper Edge--1st Row--3 sl st in straight and 4 in slanting meshes.
2nd Row--4 sl st over same, 1 picot, skip 1 sl st. Work 3 p at upper point of scallop.
Lower Edge--1st Row--like upper.
2nd Row--2 sl st over same, ch 5, skip 4, 2 sl st. Work 5 chs and 1 sl st betw scallops, sk 5 instead of 4.
3rd Row--4 sl st, 1 p, 4 sl st over each loop of 5 chs. 2 sl st in each loop of 5 chains between scallops.
Beading and Upper Edge is worked directly into material--1st Row--1 dc, ch 2, 1 dc.
2nd Row--1 petal st of 2 dc, over first dc below. Ch 5, sk 2 meshes, 1 petal st.
3rd Row--as first.
4th Row--1 sl st in first mesh, ch 3, skip second. 2 dc, ch 4, 2 dc--in third, skip fourth. Ch3, 1 sl st in fifth mesh.
5th Row--1 sl st over 3 chs. 11 dc over the 4 chs, 1 sll st over next 3 chs, ch 4, 1 sl st over 3 chs.
Sew scallop on material as shown, and make buttonhole slits for ribbon.
Ornament on Shoulder Strap--Wind thread over finger 14 times, 65 dc in this ring.
2nd Row--Sl st over each dc.
3rd Row--Ch 8, turn, count 6 sl st, sl st in 7th st, ch 8, sk 6, sl st, turn. 3 sl st, 1 picot, 9 sl st in loop, 5 sl st in next loop, ch 8, turn, fasten over center st of first loop, turn. 3 sl st, 1 p, 4 sl st, 1 p, 4 sl st, 1 p, 3 sl st all in this new loop. 4 sl st, 1 p, 3 sl st in remaining loop.
4th Row--Work tightly over next 15 sl st of center ring, repeat same 3 loops, then ch 15, turn, 1 sl st in upper picot, ch 15, 1 sl st betw, the 2 sets of loop, turn.
5th Row--24 sl st over each 15 chs.
6th Row--Work another set of loops same as first and second. Break thread.
7th Row--Start over center figure at right side, 4 sl st over same, 1 p, sk 1 sl st. Repeat 3 times. Center st is reached now, work 3 p in this center st and repeat other (next) side.

Yay, Goodies!

2006-12-11T09:35:00.000-05:00

I had to take time out from writing angry letters to Santa because I got this great package o' goodies from my PRGE buddy BlackCrow a couple days ago. The orange cat's tail wasn't included, since I've already got one of those and I don't think I need an extra one from Tasmania but you never know what will turn up in these boxes.

I have in my hot little hands a set of wooden knitting needles made from Tasmanian oak, a bamboo crochet hook, some flavored coffee (Frangelico and chocolate/mandarin) that I've already started grinding and consuming, a couple of late-1940's pattern books (Patons and Stitchcraft) that added about five more things to my To-Do List dammit, a pocket mirror, a skull button, and some gorgeous grey alpaca.

I've decided that with the vintage patterns and mountains of fiber I've gotten from both her and Obsidian Kitten that they're plotting to keep me from leaving the house ever again. Not that there's anything worth fooling with out there in the cold, cruel world anyhow.

See, I got me some gen-u-ine Tasmanian alpaca, sheared from gen-u-ine mutant two-headed Tasmanian alpacas which you would be able to see had I gotten a better photograph. Apparently mutant two-headed alpacas are a bit cannibalistic. But alas, there was no blood splatter on the fiber.

Blood and gore, yeah!

I have a monstrous, growing list of Things To Spin too, since I got all that llama & bunny fiber from O'Kitten, this alpaca, and I recently hauled out some long-forgotten fiber from the back of the stash.

The Horrible Orange Thing even got a little handmade dead mouse cat toy with blood clots embroidered on it, not that he deserves any new toys. The first time I stepped on it of course it was all wet and slobbery. He's such a filthy little dog.

This here's my Trailer Trash pocket mirror. Hopefully the use of this mirror will make me look like Trailer Trash, or at least more like the Trashy lass on the lid.

Back to gazing longingly at the lace blouse on the cover of the Patons pattern book. Mmmm, Patons.

Sev's Letters to Santy

2006-12-08T20:52:00.000-05:00

Let's try this one more time, fat man!

Dear Santy,
I would like a young man of legal age, preferrably fit and disease-free but undressed and really glad to see me, placed under my tree forthwith. Smeared with Nutella if ya got any.
Don't forget this time or there'll be hell to pay.
XXX
Severina

Dear Severina,
You'll shoot your eye out!
Wouldn't you like a nice dolly instead?
Santa Claus

Dear Fat Bastard,
Of course I'll shoot my eye out. All ya gotta do is get a tissue and get back to it.
So deposit the goods or no more cookies and milk for you.
Sev
P.S. You can quit watching me when I'm sleeping and when I'm awake. That's just fucking creepy.

Craptastic Updates!

2006-12-03T13:20:00.000-05:00

Blogger got tired of posting my pictures so I had to use Picasa for this post. Feh.

The top photo is yesterday's progress on the one piece cami-knicker set from the cover of Weldon's Pretty Undies. Pretend it's about six inches longer than the piece in the photo. I got that right after Thanksgiving from my PRGE pal BlackCrow along with the uber-snazzy Jumpers In Knitting and Crochet. This has added something like ten new things to my To-Do List and I'm not sure I'm at all pleased by it. New To-Do things means more yarn to either buy, steal, or spin. Right now I'm too broke to buy yarn and too lazy to steal or spin the stuff.

The cami-knickers are in vintage 1960's baby blue Nylo (nylon/wool blend). I'm not all that thrilled with the color and I may not even have enough to finish the top without resorting to knitting the top lace band in white Nylo and then top dying the whole thing, but I'm happy with the progress and potential fit. I really want to knit this in black silk. Oh yeah, hot stuff.

The mitten at the left is my one finished Body Count Mitten. I've got to spin up some more tan-ish wool for the second one. Since I finished the first mitt I've started about six new projects so it's been sitting around waiting for the mate to it. It's not exactly a happy mitten so I haven't been that excited about starting the other one but I should be at least casting on for it in a couple days anyhow.

I should be done by the time it gets cold enough to wear them here.

Updates on Crap

2006-12-03T12:10:00.000-05:00

This is to remind everyone (and myself) that this is allegedly a vintage knitting blog. It does tend to get away from me at times and I go all sci-fi nerdy, but I've come to my senses and packed away the Daleks and the toy hearse for another day.

This is how far I've gotten on the 1940's Ribbed Blouse. You can see that I've finished the front and I'm starting on the back bit. Most of the time rather than actually working on it, I'll heft the thing up and admire the weight of the yarn and the drape of the knitting, picture myself wearing it, then I'll see all the orange and white cat hair imbedded in the black yarn and back it goes in the UFO pile for an extended rest.

Ribbing is some of the most mind-numbingly tedious knitting I've ever had the misfortune to be involved in. I have to seriously be in the mood to knit ribbing. But I've decided that this damned thing will be finished in time for Spring.

Incidentally, a Damned Thing is what Charles Fort called stuff that defied science--stuff like orange goo dropping from space, rains of frogs, gravel and raw meat, or flying men with bat's wings. If I finish knitting this Damned Thing any time soon it will indeedy be a Miracle of Science. Being a Skeptical Fortean myself, I sort of hope for elves or gnomes sneaking into my apartment at night and taking pity on my UFO pile but then since I've never seen the little bastards in person I won't believe they exist without more damning evidence than those little muddy footprints I keep finding in the butter dish.

Our next exhibit is a Gentlemen's Stocking from around 1890, used for hunting or bicycling. I haven't yet posted the pattern, but it's from my mangy old Weldon's Stocking Knitter. I'm going to put up a chart of the plaid pattern rather than laboriously type up the long, tedious lines of "2 Blue, 1 Black" etc. of the original.

This wonder is knitted on (gulp!) size 0 dp needles and uses the grey acrylic left over from the Skull Stockings and some black cotton/ramie scavenged from another sweater. Surprisingly enough the knitting goes pretty fast and being a sock it's portable enough that I can take it to class and completely ignore a lecture.

I'm thinking it will make a damn snappy knee sock because in my mind one can never have enough grey & black kneesocks. It's also implanted an idea for another pattern, also on those little size 0 hypodermics. It won't be another sock, but I could also also be totally lying to you. I'm kinda like that.

So now Blogger is tired and doesn't want to post any more of my crummy photos. Feh.

Memories

2006-12-03T12:01:00.000-05:00

So Wrong

2006-11-27T18:29:00.000-05:00

The only reason for this post is because Sherri said there wasn't nearly enough porn on my blog. Not even any barely pervy comedy porn. So I'm a-gonna fix that.

Cue bad 1970's wakka-wakka-wakka porn music. A blond girl with really fake tits is in the shower. There's a knock at the door.

"Who is it?"

"Candygram," says a metallic voice. "Or land shark. Whatever."

"I'm in the shower!" She wraps a towel around her head and answers the door stark naked. At the door is a shiny silver and black Dalek. She tries to let the Dalek into living room but he gets stuck in the doorway (like Daleks tend to do) so he blasts a hole in the wall. She drops on her knees in front of him. "Oh my, what a big plunger you have!" She fondles his plunger for a bit and licks his ray gun.

"It's a good thing this building has an elevator," he says. "I could have never made the stairs." The Dalek pokes at the girl with his plunger. "You will obey!"

Wakka-wakka-wakka. Look at that hot plunger action. Wakka-wakka.

Some really graphic, sticky plunging or something I'm much too lazy to describe. "Ohhhh, exterminate me, harder, harder!" They do something illegal in this state with the Dalek's eye stalk. "Yes, yes yeees!!!"

"You...willl...oooobeyyyy...!"

Money shot. Several smoking holes are blasted into the wall. Neighbors are killed. The girl and the Dalek are seen sharing a cigarette and I dunno, cuddling. Maybe making plans to destroy the Earth together.

*pause*

Damn, that was stupider than usual, even for me. Does doing a Dalek count as bestiality? I know they used to be human but they've mutated into these angry little tentacled dealies who roll around in those metal things and shoot people. So maybe? No? Maybe they're so angry and shoot people because they're not gettin' any. Poor ol' lonely Daleks.

Don't even bother yelling for the Doctor to come stop all this Dalek porno nonsense. He took a wrong turn in time and/or space and wound up having tea with Caligula. That's gonna use up at least two of his remaining regenerations.

*embarassed throat clearing*

Don't mention the horse unless you want to hear a grown man cry.

Got Up On the Wrong Side of the Casket

2006-11-27T17:55:00.000-05:00

Looks like poor Mr. Undertaker will have to change jobs. He's just not cut out for this one, I'm afraid. He's still a little shaken up over what happened a couple weeks ago. He's starting to wonder who he'll have to sleep with to get out of this line of work.

His first funeral of the day didn't quite turn out as planned. He was startled by a bunny hopping across the road on the way there and ran into a ditch. It took him quite a while to wrestle that coffin back and push the hearse out of the mud.

Then there was a little dispute with the family at the gravesite. They didn't think getting stuck in a ditch was reason enough to arrive late so they got a little rowdy. They're even demanding a discount for the scuffed-up casket.

And when he got back to the funeral home he discovered his next client was infested with Siamese cats. Now how do you suppose he's going to explain this to the next of kin? They were pretty much hoping for an open-casket jobbie and I don't believe Mr. Undertaker has enough wax to fill in all those holes. He's hoping to make do with flour and water and a little food coloring.

I don't know about you but I'm thinking the poor guy's going on a bender pretty soon. Like about five minutes after he stops crying.

A Turkey of A Year

2006-11-23T10:16:00.000-05:00

It appears that I have been wasting vast amounts of bandwidth here at the Vintage Stitch-O-Rama for a whole damn year. Wow. I've spent nearly that much time wishing I'd thought of a snappier name than "Vintage Stitch-O-Rama," but it keeps me off the streets.

It's also been a complete surprise that people actually want to come here and read this stuff, especially since there's no porn. Or not much porn anyhow. These are real, live people. Really! At least I think they are. I've spoken to a few on a real, live telephone, and every so often I receive mysterious packages in the mail that strangely enough don't explode.

So in celebration of this anniversary and because it's also Thanksgiving I've roasted you guys a Virtual Turkey. I've even polished the Virtual Silver and brushed the Real Cat Hair off the Virtual Sweet Potatoes. I'm sorry, I don't have a big enough Virtual Table for everyone to sit at so some of you will wind up on the Virtual Futon with a plate in your lap and the others will have to make do with sitting on the rug with the Really Crappy Cat. Don't take your eyes off him because he'll totally try to steal Virtual Stuff off your fork. You're allowed to Really Smack him when I'm not looking.

Oh, and leave the Virtual Kids with Grandma because I haven't got a Virtual Kiddie Table.

Yeah, I know I should've used a fancy-ass turkey platter and some cool antique table linens instead of unceremoniously dumping it on the counter but I'm special like that. I guess I should've also brushed the Virtual Dirt off.

Mmmmmmm, Virtual Dirt Turkey.

Napping

2006-11-20T19:46:00.000-05:00

I just spent a week napping. After working for at least 30 hours straight trying to crochet and redo and crochet and redo the last bit of the Crochet Jewelery book project my brain went away and took a little nap for like a week. What kind of a lunatic makes Irish Crochet dragons? Huh? Dammit.

While I was sleeping my cheap-ass university internet service ran out so I had no internet for three days and was much too lazy to deal with the software for my new service. It can't be much worse than what I've been using.

I need new batteries for the camera so you'll just have to wait for photo updates on Body Count Mittens, the 1940's Ribbed Blouse, and some damn fine Victorian Men's Stockings I've started in grey and black plaid. Pattern up for that one in a couple days.

I feel another nap coming on.

Knitted Bodice, 1870

2006-11-20T19:40:00.000-05:00

Knitted Bodice without Sleeves.
Beeton's Book of Needlework by Isabella Beeton, 1870

Materials: 4 ounces black, 3-1/2 ounces purple fleecy; black silk elastic; a steel buckle; 9 black bone buttons. Pattern gives no needle size or stitch gauge.

This bodice is knitted in brioche stitch with black and purple wool, so that the raised ribs appear black on one side and purple on the other. The bodice fits quite close. It is fastened in front with black bone buttons and a steel buckle. Two strips of silk elastic are knitted in at the bottom. Begin at the bottom of the bodice with black wool, and cast on 170 stitches. The needles must be rather fine, and the knitting not too loose. Work backwards and forwards 24 rows as follows:--Slip the 1st stitch, alternately throw the wool forward, slip 1 as if you were going to purl it, and knit 1. In the next row knit together the stitch which has been slipped and the stitch formed by throwing the wool forward, slip the knitted stitch, after having thrown the wool forward. In the 25th row take the purple wool and work 1 row as before.

Now work alternately 1 row with black wool and 1 row with purple, but as the wool is not cut off, the brioche stitch must be alternately knitted and purled. Work always 2 rows on the same side from right to left. The following 26th row is worked with black wool in common brioche stitch, only the slipped stitch of the preceding row is purled together with the stitch formed by throwing the wool forward. 27th row: Turn the work, with purple wool purled brioche stitch. 28th row: On the same side with black wool knitted brioche stitch. After having worked 40 rows all in the same manner, begin the front gore. Divide the stitches upon three needles, 82 stitches on one needle for the back, and 44 stitches for each front part on the two other needles. Then work the first 11 stitches of the left front part (this row must be worked on that side of the work upon which the ribs appear purple) in knitted brioche stitch; the 11th stitch must have a slipped stitch, with the wool thrown forward, therefore it is a purple rib. After this stitch begin the gore with the following 13 stitches. The ribs are then worked so that a purple one comes over a black one, and a black one over a purple one. Do not work upon the following black stitch; knit the following stitch with the one formed by throwing the wool forward. Throw the wool forward, and then only slip the black stitch which had been left, so that it comes behind the stitch which has just been knitted. This crossing of the stitch is repeated once more, then knit the following stitch together with the one formed by throwing the wool forward, throw the wool forward, slip the crossed black stitch and the two following single black stitches. The slipped stitch and the stitch formed by throwing the wool forward before the 3rd single black stitch are then knitted together, so that the crossed stitches are placed in opposite directions. The three black stitches which are knitted off together as 1 stitch in the next row form the middle line of the front gore, and are continued in a straight line to the point of the gore. The crossing takes place twice in this row, but now the black stitch is slipped first. After the 24th stitch knit together the following stitch with the stitch formed by throwing the wool forward. Then continue to work in common brioche stitch to the other front part, where the gore begins before the 24th stitch from the end. In the next row, which is worked in purled brioche stitch with black wool, take up the black loop between two purple ribs after the 11th stitch; purl it so as to form the stitch which is missing at that place. The 3 slipped stitches in the preceding row are purled together as one stitch with the stitch formed by throwing the wool forward between the ribs. The loop is also taken up on the other side of the front gore in the same manner, as well as on the other front part. Then work 6 rows without increasing or decreasing. The crossing of the stitch is repeated after every 7 rows, always on the knitted brioche stitch side, with purple wool. In the 18th row of the gore the 3 middle stitches are not knitted together, but separately, so that the pattern must be decreased in 26 rows. In the back 30 stitches only must be decreased, two in every 6th row. After the 60th row another decreasing takes place on the outer edges of the front parts for the neck; they decrease 2 stitches (1st rib) after the 5th stitch from the front edge in every 3rd row. The 5 stitches which close to the neck are cast off together with the 5 stitches on the shoulders. Then cast off loosely the stitches of the back; take all the selvedge stitches of the front on the needles, and knit 24 rows of brioche stitch with black wool, making 9 button-holes on the right front part. On the wrong side of this part sew on a strip of black silk, with slits worked round in button-hole stitch, stitching at the same time into the knitting. The following scallops are knitted round the top of the jacket and round the armholes with black wool:--Take the selvedge stitches on the needles, work 4 rows alternately, 1 stitch knitted, 1 stitch purled, thread the wool into a Berlin wool-work needle, * cast off 3 stitches together, draw the wool through the needle, and take the 2 following stitches on the wool in the worsted-needle; repeat from *. Sew on the buttons the strips of silk elastic on either side of the black stripe at the bottom, and fasten the ends of the latter with the steel buckle.

Patterny Things

2006-11-02T09:22:00.000-05:00

Ahhh, my MagKnits pattern is up. Go knit some long-ass gloves whydoncha, except make yours look better than mine.

No posts recently because of a crochet jewelry project deadline for Lark Books. Since I spent the last couple weeks being the Magnificent Snot Factory, guzzling Nyquil is not conducive to crocheting things in itty-bitty black thread so I've been crocheting (and frogging things) like a mofo. On top of that I think I need bifocals. Then there's the two design deadlines due on the same friggin' day as the crochet project.

Why did I think I wanted to be a designer? Huh? Am I a closet masochist or something?

Or am I just a really cruel person who thinks this is a way to make more of you guys suffer? That must be it.

Electric Spinny Drill Thing

2006-10-23T17:01:00.000-05:00

I just can't resist building or collecting fiber-related gadgets and doo-dads so I am seriously contemplating building this little spinning doo-whacky. This despite my owning a perfectly servicible foot-powered spinning wheel and a handful of spindles.

Llamas Are Larger Than Frogs

2006-10-23T13:19:00.000-05:00

I got a cool little package from two of Obsidian Kitten's llamas--Graty and Llannie. They nicely included their portraits along with sizeable chunks of fleece. I didn't realise llamas could handle tape dispensers and color printers. Thanks guys!

The two purple bags at the top are crammed with angora bunny fur, both mostly white, one with a little light brown and the other with a bit of grey. Either one would blend up pretty well with Graty's light brown & beige spotted fleece and it only takes a smidge of bunny to make a nice halo in your yarn. Blended angoras don't tend to shed as much as 100 % bunny plus it's way easier to work with. Miss O'Kitten is working with the same blend and I want to see what she spins up.

I'm in the mood to spin up a hat and new fiber usually throws all kinds of projects into my brain. Stay tuned.

Nerdiness Abounds, part 2

2006-10-23T08:18:00.001-05:00

In our last installment, Daleks had invaded the Earth and were wreaking havok on our (snort!) peaceful planet. We wouldn't hurt a fly, would we? Unless that fly was some poor foreign bastard who was really good at pumping oil we pretty much tend to leave the flies alone.

Here we see the Daleks destroying all we hold dear, like giant turkey salt shakers and dirty old winos. I bet that hurt, plus the ground is cold. "Exterminate! Exterminate!"

What's the Earth to do??? Will anyone save us?

Where is that damned Doctor? Still hanging out with Elvis in the 1950's, the bastard. See him enjoying himself while winos and turkey salt shakers get tipped over and possibly scuffed up. Damn you, Doctor! Damn you!

"Not my planet," he says. "Screw the Daleks, now I'm going to see Flipper!"

See, he's travelled to 1982. Look at Flipper go! "Sex Bomb Baby, yeah!" Jiggle your monitor around for some rockin' Flipper action.

Yours truly was much too lazy to scan and print these guys out so you'll just have to use your imagination. Plus I really didn't feel like putting a big vinyl album on my cheap-ass little flatbed scanner. So there.

Grumble. Since the Doctor is hanging out with Flipper, we'll have to depend on former Soviet president Mikhail Gorbochev to defeat the invading Daleks.

"Gorby stomp Daleks!"

Yes, the world is again safe for salt shakers and winos and maybe flies.

THE END

Less-Than-Vintage Projects

2006-10-22T15:34:00.000-05:00

Resistance is futile!

Here's the Robot Illusion Scarf that I finished a few days ago and should have posted by now. I knitted pretty much all of it while I had the flu so I'm surprised it really has robots on it at all instead of the Nyquil logo.

I like really long scarves but since I was working with a limited amount of yarn this was only 4 ft. long. If I had had enough of the black cotton/ramie (recycled from a thriftstore sweater) I would have done six robots instead of four. I had plenty of the rust yak/merino.

I was much too lazy to take a photo of the scarf dead-on so you don't see the robots.

I was going to add a rust fringe but I might just knit a rust and black hat.

My other project is Body Count Mittens using the casualty numbers from here. I saw that Karen's thinking of doing a set and I couldn't leave well enough alone. I've got some handspun in heathered green and a tan that seems to work pretty well, in an unintentional icky military kind of way. I didn't even consider the Desert Storm color scheme until I had already done the cuff and it was no turning back by that point.

This is how far I got before I ran out of the green, so I'll be spinning up some more in a couple days. I'd better not run out of the tan because I have no idea just what the fiber was and if I have any more of it.

I did get to use my flashy new red stitch markers from my PRGE pal for the first time. They all jiggly, mama!

Where's the cat? I have to blow my nose and I can't find the furry little snotrag.

Nerdiness Abounds

2006-10-22T10:26:00.000-05:00

To those of you who haven't bothered to visit RavensBlight and gotten some damn nice paper toys--for shame! Go download something and print it up. I'll wait. And you better have some frickin' glue 'cos you're not borrowing mine. I remember what happened last time. You borowed it, used most of it, lost the cap, and left the tube all sticky. You can just buy your own goddamned glue next time.

Here's a snazzy little hearse with a rotten old dead guy in a coffin.

You know ya gotta keep that back door latched otherwise the people tailgating you are in for a surprise as you're all tooling merrily down the highway. I think this is why Mr. Undertaker hasn't gotten a raise in quite a while.

Here's that same hearse, now run afoul of a shoddily-built Dalek. This was scanned from my 1979 copy of Terry Nation's Dalek Special and sorta slapped together all half-assed

"Exterminate! Exterminate!"

Run Mr. Undertaker, run!

The Daleks are merciless! Death, destruction and massacre everywhere! The Doctor usually arrives just in the nick of time to save the Earth, but where can he be???

He's visiting Graceland in the 1950's, because you'd be a total dumbass to be gallavanting around in a time machine and not go visit Elvis in the 1950's. Just look how excited he is! Now you wouldn't want to ruin his holiday by telling him about nasty old Daleks now, would you?

Things get a little confusing here. I believe this is a fever dream from a couple of nights ago.

Whatever.

Will the Daleks destroy the Earth? Are we being consumed by giant toads and fish? Did the Doctor get to see Elvis perform "Good Rockin' Tonight"? Will Blogger let me upload the rest of the photos to this story?

Tune in next time!

Choklit From Forn Parts

2006-10-19T18:12:00.000-05:00

I got stuck in traffic trying to come home; George Dubya is here for some useless fundraiser and is blocking every route to my house. If I didn't vote for your ass can I please go home the regular way? I might not throw anything.

So I finally get home and sitting propped against my apartment door was a box with customs stickers and an Australian postmark. My PRGE gifty thingy!

I opened the box and everything was all wrapped up in Aussie newspapers with strange little messages drawn on and all wrapped up in black string, so I got stuff to read. And pirate balloons to blow up.

Mmmm, I got some fancy-ass dark chocolate (now with teethmarks in it), some dark chocolate-covered coffee beans (one of my favorite chocolatey things), chocolate pirates & a frog (already gone), something I'd never seen before--chocolate rocks. These things look exactly like those tumbled stones you can buy but the damn things are edible. I'm supposed to share the rocks and some gourmet Jelly Bellies with my brother. Dunno, they might not last that long. ;)

Did I say chocolate covered coffee beans are one of my favorite things? I'll be a total ho for chocolate covered coffee beans. They don't necessarily have to be from The Chocolate Shop in Hobart *crunch crunch crunch* but I'll be a ho for chocolate covered coffee beans.

OK, somehow she knew that I did not have a pincushion, so she sent me a cool beaded handmade one and a couple packs of pins to go in it just in case I didn't have any of those either, so now I got no excuse not to get back to my sewing. The pincushion's the round thing in the photo with the floral patterned fabric and the really cool button in the center.

Mmmmm, I got a set of fancy stitch markers made with black and red faceted glass beads. She somehow knew that I'd been using those little cheap-ass plastic ones! The photo's so lousy you can only see the LBC tag they're tied to. The next thing I knit that needs stitches marked will have those in the pic so be patient! There's also a couple of balls of soy silk yarn that I've been dying to work with, as soon as I decide on a project and what colors to dye them in. Oh yeah, some nice Landscapes dyes and some lace pattern and I'm all set! Or I'll spin up and dye some accent yarn to go with it. *thinking and eating coffee beans*

So I've been rubbing and smelling the yarn and eating chocolate since I got home and that made the nasty ol' Republican cooties go away. Yes, I huff yarn. You should try it sometime, especially silk.

OK, Secret Punk Pal, you rule!

Damien likes the box but he's not so impressed by the balloons.

Did I say my PRGE pal ruled?

Coffee is good for flu--you get loopy from the meds and the caffeine.

Later comment: OK, Hobart is in Tasmania, making the choklit even more exotic. Suddenly I'm thinking of Errol Flynn and weird stripy animals with pockets. Mmmm, Errol Flynn covered in chocolate.

Bots 'n' Snot

2006-10-16T16:05:00.000-05:00

This is how far I got on the Robots Illusion pattern before my brain and body ceased to function together. I'm using a yak/merino blend rust colored yarn I won from the Vintage KAL I'm in and the black is some cotton/ramie blend I scavanged from a thrift store sweater and it's what was left after knitting my Camisole of Death. There'd better be enough black yarn, dammit, otherwise I'm frogging part of a scarf I used some of the black yarn in.

I'm leaving out the big letter "I" in the center and instead I'm doing as many robots as I have yarn for. The yarn I'm using barely curls up at the bottom, unlike the alpaca I was using for the skull version which rolled completely up as I knitted. But it could have been the weight of the yarn since what I'm using now is pretty heavy stuff and the alpaca was fingering weight.

*wipes snot on cat*

Knickers, Be Damned!

2006-10-16T15:56:00.000-05:00

Look. Red woolly knickers, all done and got the elastic all sewed in and everything. They look exactly like the pattern picture, imagine that. The fit's pretty snazzy, so far as I could tell in my fevered Nyquil-induced purple haze, except the original measurements are for a much shorter woman. The waistband comes about hip level making them a lot less grandma-bloomerish and more hipster boy-shorts style. Don't ask me why I decided to go with the vintage pattern measurements rather than my own real ones, but there ya go. Next pair in black silk. Yeh.

You'll notice that the yarn was from two different fucking dyelots, despite me ordering them at the same time. You'd think I'd have noticed the difference in the colors while I was knitting them? Noooo. But the flu has given me previously unknown powers of color detection and I discovered the difference while I was deleriously sewing them together on Friday.

So they'll get overdyed with black, I suppose. Landscapes makes some damn snazzy dyes so I guess I can dye the white Nature Spun yarn at the same time and then knit the vest that goes with it.

I wanted them black anyhow. Grump.

Feh.

2006-10-15T17:34:00.000-05:00

My brother captured the Orange Abomination in his true form snaking around the den late one night. I'm surprised he lived to tell the tale.

Back to my deathbed to snuggle up to a bottle of Nyquil.

Hack snort snot sneeze. Bleah. Ick.

Yeah, I hauled my carcass off the sofa just for that.

Updates: I finished the red woolly knickers (smokin'!) and I'm too grouchy to take photos of them today. I also discovered that the Corset Pullover had to be frogged after all. I didn't have enough of the eBay eggplant cotton yarn to get beyond knitting the front and back, so I'll have to redo it in some other yarn. Dang it all to heck.

I'm Fevered and Delirious

2006-10-14T19:50:00.000-05:00

There's a really lame band at the street festival down the block and pretty soon my neighbors will be traipsing in at varying levels of drunk-off-their-ass. Hopefully there won't be a fragrant new Jackson Pollock masterpiece spattering the hall floor any time soon.

I'm ill and hot and cold and everything tastes bad and smells funny and my head is going to go all 'splody and I just want to spend the next week in bed with a bottle of Nyquil and a tub of Vick's. I've coughed all over this post so you're all probably going to catch it. Nyaaaah.

Oh gawd why does everthing smell like corned beef???

So I climbed out of my death bed to make a post just for you guys. *pause* OK, so it was a death couch and I was watching TV and knitting, same difference. I can feel just as crappy sitting on the sofa as I can sick in bed.

Hack snort sniff gag sneeze.

Anyhow.

Miss O'Kitten remembers filmstrips with the little "beep" being played on a tape recorder. But does she remember them ever being played on a record player? The kind that not only played at 45, 33 1/3, and 78 RPMs, they played those 16 RPM records too. "Talking Books" they called 'em.

*scary old person reminiscing laugh*

Was it (dun-dun-dun!) this record player? This is what one of those looks like with a stack of Hasil Adkins albums and a Doughboy's helmet on top of it.

What? I'm a member of the Society For Putting Things On Top of Other Things, so back off.

Every kid should have the experience of hauling one of these heavy-duty monsters back and forth from the AV room. I could probably fling it off the back of a truck and still play a Kraftwerk album like I'm getting ready to do right now. See? Bahn bahn autobahn...

Now get your drunk ass outta my building and go Pollock in somebody else's hallway.

Cheers, Thanks A Lot

2006-10-12T21:35:00.000-05:00

Tuesday night the Vomit Fairy visited my building.

I spied, as I staggered incoherent and coffee-less out the door of my apartment, a shot glass and a puddle of the previous night's recycled revelry. Nummy! Much the same thing, sans shot glass, greeted me when I got down to the front steps. Suddenly I'm living in a frat house.

When I had my morning's four giant mugs of coffee I had convinced myself that perhaps it was the leavings of a tenant's dog and the shot glass was a mere coincidence. Yes. That was it. I heard dogs in the hallway that night so it had to be dogs. Dogs do that kinda thing, except they usually eat it again so there's no mess to clean up.

I had pretty much forgotten about it by the time the coffee had worn off and I wobbled home, until I opened the front door and the entire building smelled like puke. Wonderful. If the first floor smelled that bad just imagine what vile reek would be hovering around the 3rd floor. The puddle was probably still there, now dried to a rock-hard crust like the beer and ice cream that gets spilled and left and stepped in pretty much every day in this place. No. The shot glass was gone and some helpful person had half-assedly swirled the mess around with some toilet paper which disintigrated into mush making it that much more appetising. It took the guy another couple hours to finally get the rest wiped up.

So before my brother makes the usual smart-ass remark that this is another reason he thought the last building I lived in was so much better I'll remind him that someone barfed in the elevator there twice, and in the stairwell at least once.

Oh, Ethel!

2006-10-09T17:58:00.000-05:00

I was rummaging around for my old 1960's Civil Defense manual today. I kinda though with missles zinging our way pretty soon maybe I'd better study up on which ass cheek the Civil Defense recommended kissing goodbye first. I'm guessing those things'll still be having steering problems so anything aimed for D.C. would make a sharp right and wind up in Stinktown. I'd come home from class and find one of the things plopped on the front lawn, hissing and sparking, probably with the North Korean version of "Hi There!" painted on the side. It would probably go unremarked for several days, since we'd all think it was Bad Student Art and you pretty much tend to ignore Bad Student Art around here unless you're a freshman sculpture major then you squeal and wet yourself every time you see any in case your bestest friend made it. Don't get me started on the stuff made from tampons.

Where was I going with this? Besides me subtly suggesting that I'm not a sculpture major? Uhhhh, hmmmm...

Oh. Yes. Anyhow, I was rummaging around looking for my old 1960's Civil Defense manual and found another manual: Getting to Know Your Frigidaire Imperial Cold Pantry. Nothing remarkable about it; I've had it for years and never opened it. Have no idea where it came from. It's just been on the shelf with a handful of other mauals like Osterizer Recipes and Cooking With Electricity!

Before I put it back I did however, notice that a sheet of old paper with something Xeroxed on it fell out onto the floor. The fridge manual is from the 1950's but I'm guessing the paper is late 70's early 80's.

Back in the day, (beware: old person story) before people e-mailed each other 100 Amazing Things You Can Do With Old Dryer Sheets and crap-shit alerts in ALL CAPS on avoiding bananas because you can get flesh-eating bacteria, they used to while away the day sending each other what folklorists call Xerox-lore. (Google Jan Brunvand) Office workers would waste reams of copy paper printing mountains of crap and passing it around the office, some of that in ALL CAPS as well, most of it pretty useless and painfully unamusing.

Anyhow, I've found a gen-u-ine piece of Xerox-lore, in the form of a festive, hand-drawn holiday card, signed "Love Ethel". It doesn't fold right at all and the drawings are painfully deformed. Do up the holidays old-style by printing a bunch out, folding it up and passing it around at work. Your name doesn't have to be Ethel for much hilarity to ensue, you just have to hope there's an Ethel in the office that it'll all get blamed on.

Extra points if somebody gets fired. Bonus points if somebody gets offended not by the well-endowed short-bus passenger or the nude woman with deer hooves but by the very idea that you were passing around generic non-denominational Season's Greetings cards.

That Ethel must've been a real pistol.

Knitted Unmentionables

2006-10-05T07:38:00.000-05:00

Look, half-done knitted underwear! This is one half of the 1940's knickers I've been threatening to knit. I only have enough of the Nature Spun to knit the bottoms & I haven't decided whether to order some more for the top.

The photo makes them pinkish red but they're really a more fire-engine or maybe a pillarbox color. (Yes, my hair was Pillarbox Red for years)

It's been almost too warm to knit these things in wool right now, but when it gets cold in a few weeks I'll be damn happy to have warm drawers. Y'know, for when the wind blows up your skirt. Wind does that.

*pondering* Didn't Dangermouse live in a pillarbox?

I'm still lusting after the Iva Rose Weldon's undies book. That one on the cover is just screaming for me to spin up the yarn & knit it. Don't you hear it? You don't?

*Quietly slinks away*

Keep Off the Dead Stuff

2006-10-01T13:01:00.000-05:00

Click for way bigger, much muddier photo.

And no, that wasn't me who slipped in the mud & leaves and had to ride five hours home with a cold, muddy ass.

That wasn't me. No sir.

Cat Bastard

2006-10-01T12:45:00.000-05:00

This is what a nine-pound turd looks like. Looks exactly like a kitty-cat, doesn't it? Those things have a chameleon circuit, I do believe, and this one is stuck on "Drama Queen."

Woah yeah, time for more coffee!

Stuff From Forn Parts

2006-10-01T11:47:00.000-05:00

I've been informed by my PRGE Secret Pal that there will be a box from Forn Parts creeping my way. So far I've gotten a really cool e-card with a 1930's Faye Wray from her that I've been much to lazy to post about. I'll blame it on Blogger. Yeah, that's the ticket. It's all Blogger's fault. From now on I shall blame everything from missing the bus to burning dinner on Blogger.

*dances like a lunatic at the prospect of free stuff*

*glowers at prospect of having to dump all this crap over at a Blogger Beta account*

I've informed my PRGE SP that she'll be getting a Box O'Shit sent to her from my Forn Parts as well. I don't know how her Parts are gonna deal with that but such is the life of Parts.

*ponders own Girl Parts*

I've had too much coffee. Like that's a bad thing.

I'm going to make another cup and go play Caesar III for a couple mindless hours, soon as I download a couple new scenarios from here. Usually my towns get the plague because I'm such a slack governor that I forget to build hospitals. D'oh! Behold Governor Crappius Maximus!!! And don't forget to pay your damn taxes, you slack Roman bastards.

Orange Stitch Marker

2006-09-30T19:41:00.000-05:00

Yeah, he's helping. He's helping a lot. Helping to leave cat hair all over my UFO pile. Fan-freakin'-tastic. At least he's not talking right now, 'cause my boy just don't shut up.

I can't claim he's vintage because stuff has to be at least 20 years old and he's still got about 5 years before that happens. Fifteen years of mreoww-wwowwowollll-mrrrrrrrrrrrr-erp, meow-meow-meow, drooling, and waking me up at the crack of dawn to tell me all about the goddamn birds outside the window or the sun coming up or some damn thing.

Orange stitch marker, anyone?

Updated UFO List

2006-09-29T22:17:00.000-05:00

Why do the opening credits for the new season of Degrassi look like a cheap rip-off of Beverly Hills 90210? I feel soiled somehow. I was so creeped out I couldn't even do more than 6 rows of knitting that I didn't have to keep unravelling. I was outraged, I tell ya!

*shakes fist at sky for no discernable reason*

Anyhow, here's my updated UFO list. You'll notice there are only three things on it. Five if you count the ones that I didn't post photos of.

First offender is the Eggplant Corset Pullover. Pretty. I've knitted two more inches on it this month. I might finish it by December 2007.

Not pictured is the 1940's Ribbed Pullover, because I've only done two more rows since the last time I photographed it for your amusement. Yeah, keep on laughing.

New on the list is a pair of 1940's woolly knickers. In red. This is what I kept having to unravel while fuming at Degrassi. Some time back I mumbled something about wanting woolly knickers to go with my woolly stockings so I wouldn't get icicles dangling from my hoo-hah. The legs aren't as long as the pattern I'm still looking for but those weren't done in this snappy lace pattern. I'm rather amused by how see-through it is so far. I'm picturing these being very very drafty as well as a wee bit itchy.

Another unpictured project is a Secret Knitted Thingy for my Secret PRGE Pally. It's not what you were hinting at since I'd started it before you muttered something about it. Keep your shirt on, you might get that knitted up too. Or I could just unravel it and send you the yarn.

*Rubs hands evilly*

The oldest UFO in the collection is the Endless J & P Coats Project. I haven't touched it since I moved to the new place. I'd like to finish it while I can still remember just what the hell it is.

All this means I finished the long-ass gloves for the November MagKnits and the pattern has been sent off. I'm sure they've assumed it's a joke pattern and are laughing hysterically at it as we speak. I still have to sew a lining for the Ennui bag so's I can fill it full of gum wrappers, pens that don't work, and illegible notes to myself written in some sort of primitive subhuman language.

There was supposed to be an amusing cat photo here but Blogger is tired and doesn't want to upload any more stuff.

Free Kitty

2006-09-24T17:46:00.000-05:00

Make Like a Tree and Leave

2006-09-23T22:15:00.000-05:00

Ennui Bag

2006-09-23T21:40:00.000-05:00

This is the grey wool bag I've been working on for a week or two. I finished it last weekend and neglected to post it here because it's not even slightly vintage. I wound up leaving off the side gussets because I was running out of yarn and I didn't feel like spinning more. I also neglected to embroider anything on it despite threatening to. I sort of half-assedly felted it in the tub just to smooth out the surface. I still might put it in the washer. The main problem is that since it doesn't have any pockets I'll need to either put in a lining with pockets or buy a little zippered bag to put all my mechanical pencils, pencil leads, pens, Altoids, and other Nerd Gear into. I might knit a tiny version of the Dark Mark bag, felt it, & put a zipper on that to dump little crap into.

Or I might not.

It was originally the Esme bag from Rowan Magazine #38, but I was so bored with life in general when I started it that I've renamed it Ennui. Remember in Ed Gorey's Gashlycrumb Tinies? "N is for Neville who died of ennui." The boy died of boredom.

So don't die when you look at the bag.

Evening Gloves, 1942

2006-09-23T21:01:00.000-05:00

Evening Gloves
Complete Guide to Modern Knitting and Crocheting, 1942

Materials: (Approximate size, 6 1/2) 4 oz. of rayon or 3-ply yarn,
1 set #2 double-pointed needles
1 crochet hook #3
Gauge: 9 sts. to in., 16 rows to ins.
Pattern: Rows 1 through 5, Knit.
Row 6, K 4, y.o., K 2 tog. Repeat around needles.
Repeat these two rows for pattern.
Left Glove: Cast on 60 sts. (30, 15, 15). Work in above stitch pattern throughout. When globe measures 5 ins., ending on 3rd K row, work in K 2, P 2, rib for 1/2 in. Knit 2 rows. Starting on first needle, K 24 * y.o., K 2 tog., K 5. Repeat from *. Continue keeping 24 sts. for palm in stockinette st. and work back, thumb, and back of fingers in pattern st. Work 1 round. Then K 26, place a marker and increase 1 st. in each of next 2 sts. Work around needles. Work 3 rows even. Increase above increases at markers every 4th row until there are 18 sts. for thumb. Always work a y.o. when 5 sts are increases to keep patterns uniform. Slip thumb sts. on to pin. Cast on 4 sts., and continue working back in pattern and palm in stockinette st. Work 2 ins.
Fingers: Starting at first st. of first needle, K 7 sts., slip next sts. on to small safety pins, 7, 8, 8; 2nd needle, 8, 8; 3rd needle, 8. Knit remaining 7 sts.
Little Finger: Now knit first needle, cast on 4 sts. Knit round and round, following pattern for 2 ins. Discontinue pattern. K 2 tog., K 1, repeat around. Knit 1 round. K 2 tog., K 1, repeat around. Knit 1 round. Break yarn and fasten off.
3rd Finger: Pick up next 8 sts. Cast on 4 sts., pick up 8 sts. from palm, pick up 4 sts. from base of little finger. Work back of finger in pattern for 2 1/2 ins. Decrease as for little finger.
2nd Finger: Pick up the 8 sts., cast on 4, pick up 8 from palm, and pick up 4 from base of 3rd finger. Work 3 ins. and finish same as 3rd finger.
1st Finger: Pick up remaining sts., pick up 4 sts. on inside of base of 2nd finger and work in pattern for 2 3/4 ins. Finish same as for 3rd finger.
Thumb: Pick up thumb sts., pick up 5 sts. from those cast on. Work in pattern. When thumb measures 2 ins., decrease as for other fingers.
With crochet hook, join yarn in top of glove (cast on sts.). Ch 5, 1 double crochet in first st. *Ch. 3, 1 D.C. in 5th st. of glove, ch. 2, 1 D.C. in same st., repeat from * around and fasten with slip st.
Row 2--Ch. 5, 1 D.C. under ch. 2 of row below, ch. 2, * 1 D.C. in same ch., ch. 3, 1 D.C. in next ch. 2 of row below, repeat from * around.
Repeat row 2 for 8 times.
Finishing: Ch. 5, * 1 D.C. under ch. 2 of row below, ch. 3, 1 slip st. in 2nd st. from hook (picot), ch. 1, 1 D.C. under same ch. 3 of row below, ch. 2. Repeat from * around and fasten off.
Right Glove: Work same as left glove, 30 sts on first needle, 15 on 2nd, and 15 on 3rd needle. Start thumb increases on first needle, i.e., K 3, increase in next 2 sts., K 24 for palm. Knit remaining sts., keeping the back of hand and thumb in pattern. Fingers are started at end of first needle.

Dang It!

2006-09-21T23:58:00.000-05:00

I've been screwing around with this new blog template for something like six hours trying to make it look better. Yes, I could have written the whole thing from scratch by now but I was trying to be lazy by downloading one and fiddling with it.

It didn't have any way to leave comments so I pasted on some HTML from my old template and now I can't get rid of them. And the font size on the title is either huge and overlapping itself or microscopic sized.

My brain hurts. I'll come back to it later and fix it. Maybe.

I know I'm going to dream in HTML tonight. Wah!

Dorkiest Dance Ever

2006-09-19T20:56:00.000-05:00

Mashed Potatoes, anyone?

This guy reminds me more of the drunken middle-aged creepy uncle wearing a cheap toupee that turns up uninvited to your wedding reception than a professional dance instructor. You know, the one that drinks a gallon of champagne, hits on all the bridesmaids--including the ones he's related to, pinches everyone's ass, then makes a toast that would cause Lenny Bruce to blush. Later you find him passed out on the front lawn face down in puke. It's not even his puke.

Discotheque Dances by Dick Blake, 1965

Talk About Obsessive

2006-09-19T19:22:00.000-05:00

I had written a much more impressive and amusing post, but my computer ate it, so you have to make do with this sad little bit of proof that I'm long past needing some sort of medication.

This is mostly the fault of Stephieface and her that guy blog entry. I've got a that guy too, but mine is the focus of a frighteningly obsessive collection of Dead Radio Actor Crap. Not only do I collect autographs of people like Rozz Williams and the Ramones, I have a whole collection of Hans Conried autographs. Yes, I collect the autographs of one person. Troubling, no?

If you're an old time radio fanatic and you hear the name Hans Conried you'll pump the air with your fist and say some kind of strange old time radio catch phrase like "Looooove dat man!" or "Yeeeeeesssss?" If you're a normal person you'll say "Who?" and back away slowly from the scary radio people.

Besides an assload of radio roles he was on The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T, The Twonky, Disney's original Peter Pan and a couple hundred other things. Not ringing a bell? Oh goddammit, he was the voice of Snidely Whiplash on the Dudley Do-Right Show. Gawd, people, watch some damn TV sometime. The guy was on everything.

If you want to leave quietly, before I do or say something extremely odd, then please do so. You're also free to peruse the rest of my blog for entries on decapitating clowns and autoerotic asphixiation, since that's probably why you're here to begin with.

Now then. This rather shameful collection contains such gems as old TV Guides, publicity photos from movies, TV & theater, lobby cards, record albums, and 1940's radio magazines. The autographs are on three photos, one 1954 television contract, and an album. The first pic shows two autographed photos in one frame--an unpublished early 1950's photo and a later theater publicity pic. The second thing is a TV Guide article from May, 1956, posted for no real reason. Click it and read! I was trying to post the photo from the movie Summer Stock with Gene Kelly and the amusing publicity photos from my favorite Hans Conried film Blondie's Blessed Event but noooooo, Blogger has to be all picky.

I'm not even going to mention that I seriously considered bidding on the 500lb. Asian statue that once belonged to him that was put up on eBay by his daughter. I would have had to get a truck and drive out to Burbank to get it, haul it back here to the East coast, then convince my parents that yes, they really needed this thing in their yard until I could get a real house. It seemed reasonable at the time.

Lobby cards, photos, or posters from The Twonky are on my perpetual Wish List, as in I wish I had several thousand dollars to blow on them because I keep getting outbid every time even one comes up on eBay. Same goes for anything having to do with The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T. You winning bidders all suck!!!

I could go and clutter up my life with normal stuff but who do you think I am, Drear Pooson?

*wanders away muttering more old time radio crap*

Vintage Stitch-O-Rama Free Pattern Emporium

Hurricane Plans

Questions and Comments and Suchlike Plus A Straight Jacket

Starlight Evening Gloves

Not Dead, Just Brain-Dead

The Stratford--One-Piece Dress, Hat and Purse, 1933

Ladies Knitted Under-Jacket, 1875

Knitted Under-Stays, 1875

Bead Bracelet and Chain, 1863

Ladies Knee-Caps, 1885

Ladies Mitt, 1850

Crocheted Watch Fob, 1915

Ribbed Stockings, 1948

Rondo Sweater, 1940s

1940s Cami-Knickers

She Kinda Sucks

Some Sort of Anniversary, I Suppose

Crocheted Cogs

Make Your Own Victorian Hairpieces

Ladies' Knit Gaiters, 1857

Victorian Miser's Purse

Beaded Mitts

Knitted & Beaded Cuffs, 1890

A Christmas (Carol) Pattern: Victorian Shroud, 1838

Showing My Knickers

French Knickers, 1940's

Look, She's Moving!

Sev's Book Club

Into the Catacombs

Luncheon Date Hat, 1940's

Adding to the Things-To-Knit List

I Knew Something Was Dreadfully Wrong

Blood, Guts and A Skirt

Ahhh, Tedium and Ennui!

Gentleman's Knickerbocker Stocking

Young Ladies Gone Wild

School's Out and Spazzy Dancing Ensues

Who's the Menace?

Alltogether Ooky

Not An Experiment

Blehhhh

Sweet Fancy Moses

Muhuhahahaaaa-cough-cough-cough!

Cool Stuff and Another Fever Dream Inferno

Fever Dreams Rule (pumps air with sweaty fist)

That's All I Need

Spring Break, part 2

Stay Away From the Raisins

Spring Break, part 1

Insert Flashy Title Here

Reanimated Corpse

Damned Knitted Thing

Six Stupid Things About Sev

What Year Is It Now?

Not much of an update

Gentleman's Stocking, 1885

Put Some Damn Clothes On!

Dagnabbit!

*makes rude gesture*

Disturbing Graphics

Remodelling

The World Is Quiet Here

Last-Minute Half-Assed Xmas Gifts

Begin the Exchange!

Scalloped Filet Camisole Yoke, 1918(?)

Yay, Goodies!

Sev's Letters to Santy

Craptastic Updates!

Updates on Crap

Memories

So Wrong

Got Up On the Wrong Side of the Casket

A Turkey of A Year

Napping

Knitted Bodice, 1870

Patterny Things

Electric Spinny Drill Thing

Llamas Are Larger Than Frogs

Nerdiness Abounds, part 2

Less-Than-Vintage Projects

makes rude gesture